Book: The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer, Vol. 1

C >> Charles James Lever >> The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer, Vol. 1




Her ladyship was most condescendingly civil, vouchsafed much tender
commiseration for my "exile," as she termed my quarters in Kilrush;
wondered how I could possibly exist in a marching regiment, (who had
never been in the cavalry in my life!) Spoke quite feelingly on my
kindness in joining their stupid family party, for they were living, to
use her own phrase, "like hermits;" and wound up all by a playful
assurance that as she perceived, from all my answers, that I was bent on
preserving a strict incognito, she would tell no tales about me on her
return to "Town." Now, it may readily be believed, that all this, and
many more of her ladyship's allusions, were a "Chaldee manuscript" to me;
that she knew certain facts of my family and relations, was certain; but
that she had interwoven in the humble web of my history, a very pretty
embroidery of fiction was equally so; and while she thus ran on, with
innumerable allusions to Lady Marys and Lord Johns, who she pretended to
suppose were dying to hear from me, I could not help muttering to myself
with good Christopher Sly, "And all this be true--then Lord be thanked
for my good amends;" for up to that moment I was an ungrateful man for
all this high and noble solicitude. One dark doubt shot for an instant
across my brain. Maybe her ladyship had "registered a vow" never to
syllable a name unchronicled by Debrett, or was actually only mystifying
me for mere amusement. A minute's consideration dispelled this fear;
for I found myself treated "en Seigneur" by the whole family. As for
the daughters of the house, nothing could possibly be more engaging than
their manner. The eldest, Lady Jane, was pleased from my near
relationship to her father's oldest friend to receive me, "from the
first," on the most friendly footing; while, with the younger, Lady
Catherine, from her being less 'maniere' than her sister, my progress was
even greater; and thus, before we separated for the night, I contrived to
"take up my position" in such a fashion, as to be already looked upon as
one of the family party, to which object, Lord and indeed Lady Callonby
seemed most willing to contribute, and made me promise to spend the
entire of the following day at Callonby, and as many of the succeeding
ones as my military duties would permit.

As his lordship was wishing me "good night" at the door of the
drawing-room, he said, in a half whisper,

"We were ignorant yesterday, Mr. Lorrequer, how soon we should have had
the pleasure of seeing you here; and you are therefore condemned to a
small room off the library, it being the only one we can insure you as
being well aired. I must therefore apprize you that you are not to be
shocked at finding yourself surrounded by every member of my family,
hung up in frames around you. But as the room is usually my own
snuggery, I have resigned it without any alteration whatever."

The apartment for which his lordship had so strongly apologized, stood in
very pleasing contrast to my late one in Kilrush. The soft Persian
carpet, on which one's feet sank to the very ankles; the brightly
polished dogs, upon which a blazing wood fire burned; the well
upholstered fauteuils which seemed to invite sleep without the trouble of
lying down for it; and last of all, the ample and luxurious bed, upon
whose rich purple hangings the ruddy glare of the fire threw a most
mellow light, was all a pleasing exchange for the "garniture" of the
"Hotel Healy."

"Certes, Harry Lorrequer," said I, as I threw myself upon a small ottoman
before the fire in all the slippered case, and abandon of a man who has
changed a dress-coat for a morning-gown; "Certes, thou art destined for
great things; even here, where fate had seemed 'to do its worst' to thee,
a little paradise opens, and what, to ordinary mortals had proved but a
'flat, stale, and most unprofitable' quarter, presents to thee all the
accumulated delight of a hospitable mansion, a kind, almost friendly,
host, a condescending Madame Mere, and daughters too! Ah ye Gods! But
what is this;" and here, for the first time, lifting up my eyes, I
perceived a beautiful water-colour drawing in the style of "Chalon,"
which was placed above the chimney-piece. I rose at once, and taking a
candle, proceeded to examine it more minutely. It was a portrait of Lady
Jane, a full-length too, and wonderfully like; there was more complexion,
and perhaps more roundness in the figure than her present appearance
would justify; but if any thing was gained in brilliancy, it was
certainly lost in point of expression; and I infinitely preferred her
pale, but beautifully fair countenance, to the rosy cheek of the picture;
the figure was faultless; the same easy grace, the result of perfect
symmetry and refinement together, which only one in a thousand of even
handsome girls possess, was pourtrayed to the life. The more I looked,
the more I felt charmed with it. Never had I seen any thing so truly
characteristic as this sketch, for it was scarcely more. It was after
nearly an hour's quiet contemplation, that I began to remember the
lateness of the night; an hour, in which my thoughts had rambled from the
lovely object before me, to wonder at the situation in which I found
myself placed; for there was so much of "empressement" towards me, in the
manner of every member of the family, coupled with certain mistakes as to
my habits and acquaintances, as left me perfectly unable to unravel the
mystery which so evidently surrounded me. "Perhaps," thought I, "Sir Guy
has written in my behalf to his lordship. Oh, he would never do any
thing half so civil. Well, to be sure, I shall astonish them at head
quarters; they'll not believe this. I wonder if Lady Jane saw my
'Hamlet;' for they landed in Cork from Bristol about that time. She is
indeed a most beautiful girl. I wish I were a marquis, if it were only
for her sake. Well, my Lord Callonby, you may be a very wise man in the
House of Lords; but, I would just ask, is it exactly prudent to introduce
into your family on terms of such perfect intimacy, a young, fascinating,
well-looking fellow, of four-and-twenty, albeit only a subaltern, with
two such daughters as you have? Peut etre! One thing is certain--I have
no cause of complaint; and so, good night, Lady Jane"--and with those
words I fell asleep, to dream of the deepest blue eyes, and the most
melting tones that ever reduced a poor lieutenant in a marching regiment
to curse his fate, that he could not call the Commander of the Forces his
father.

When I descended to the breakfast-room, I found the whole family
assembled in a group around Lord Kilkee, who had just returned from a
distant part of the county, where he had been canvassing the electors,
and spouting patriotism the day before. He was giving an account of his
progress with much spirit and humour as I entered, but, on seeing me,
immediately came forward, and shook hands with me like an old
acquaintance. By Lord Callonby and the ladies I was welcomed also
with much courtesy and kindness, ad some slight badinage passed upon my
sleeping, in what Lord Kilkee called the "Picture Gallery," which, for
all I knew to the contrary, contained but one fair portrait. I am not a
believer in Mesmer; but certainly there must have been some influence at
work--very like what we hear of "magnetism"--for before the breakfast was
concluded, there seemed at once to spring up a perfect understanding
between this family and myself, which made me feel as much 'chez moi',
as I had ever done in my life; and from that hour I may date an intimacy
which every succeeding day but served to increase.

After breakfast Lord Callonby consigned me to the guidance of his son,
and we sallied forth to deal destruction amongst the pheasants, with
which the preserves were stocked; and here I may observe, 'en passant',
that with the single exception of fox-hunting, which was ever a passion
with me, I never could understand that inveterate pursuit of game to
which some men devote themselves--thus, grouse-shooting, and its
attendant pleasures, of stumping over a boggy mountain from day-light
till dark, never had much attraction for me; and, as to the delights of
widgeon and wild-duck shooting, when purchased by sitting up all night in
a barrel, with your eye to the bung, I'll none of it--no, no! Give me
shooting or angling merely as a divertimento, a pleasant interlude
between breakfast and luncheon-time, when, consigning your Manton to a
corner, and the game keeper "to the dogs," you once more humanize your
costume to take a canter with the daughters of the house; or, if the day
look loweringly, a match of billiards with the men.

I have ever found that the happiest portions of existence are the most
difficult to chronicle. We may--nay, we must, impart our miseries and
annoyances to our many "dear friends," whose forte is sympathy or
consolation--and all men are eloquent on the subject of their woes; not
so with their joys: some have a miser-like pleasure in hoarding them up
for their own private gratification; others--and they are prudent--feel
that the narrative is scarcely agreeable even to their best friends; and
a few, of whom I confess myself one, are content to be happy without
knowing why, and to have pleasant souvenirs, without being able to
explain them.

Such must be my apology for not more minutely entering upon an account of
my life at Callonby. A fortnight had now seen me 'enfonce', the daily
companion of two beautiful girls in all their walks and rides, through a
romantic, unfrequented country, seeing but little of the other members of
the family; the gentlemen being entirely occupied by their election
tactics, and Lady Callonby being a late riser, seldom appeared before the
dinner hour. There was not a cliff upon the bold and rocky coast we did
not climb, not a cave upon the pebbly beach unvisited; sometimes my fair
companions would bring a volume of Metastasio down to the little river
where I used to angle; and the "gentle craft" was often abandoned for the
heart-thrilling verses of that delightful poet. Yes, many years have
passed over, and these scenes are still as fresh in my memory as though
they had been of yesterday. In my memory, I say, as for thee

"Qui sa si te
Ti sovrerai di me."

At the end of three weeks the house became full of company, from the
garret to the cellar. Country gentlemen and their wives and daughters
came pouring in, on every species of conveyance known since the flood;
family coaches, which, but for their yellow panels, might have been
mistaken for hearses, and high barouches, the "entree" to which was
accomplished by a step-ladder, followed each other in what appeared a
never-ending succession; and here I may note an instance of the anomalous
character of the conveyances, from an incident to which I was a witness
at the time.

Among the visitors on the second day came a maiden lady from the
neighbourhood of Ennistimon, Miss Elizabeth O'Dowd, the last of a very
old and highly respectable family in the county, and whose extensive
property, thickly studded with freeholders, was a strong reason for her
being paid every attention in Lord Callonby's power to bestow; Miss Betty
O'Dowd--for so she was generally styled--was the very personification of
an old maid; stiff as a ramrod, and so rigid in observance of the
proprieties of female conduct, that in the estimation of the Clare
gentry, Diana was a hoyden compared to her.

Miss Betty lived, as I have said, near Ennistimon, and the road from
thence to Callonby at the time I speak of--it was before Mr. Nimmo--was a
like the bed of a mountain torrent as a respectable highway; there were
holes that would have made a grave for any maiden lady within fifty
miles; and rocks thickly scattered, enough to prove fatal to the
strongest wheels that ever issued from "Hutton's." Miss O'Dowd knew this
well; she had upon one occasion been upset in travelling it--and a
slate-coloured silk dress bore the dye of every species of mud and mire
to be found there, for many a year after, to remind her of her
misfortune, and keep open the wound of her sorrow. When, therefore, the
invitation to Callonby arrived, a grave council of war was summoned, to
deliberate upon the mode of transit, for the honour could not be
declined, "coute qui coute." The chariot was out of the question;
Nicholas declared it would never reach the "Moraan Beg," as the first
precipice was called; the inside car was long since pronounced unfit for
hazardous enterprise; and the only resource left, was what is called in
Hibernian parlance, a "low-backed car," that is, a car without any back
whatever; it being neither more nor less than the common agricultural
conveyance of the country, upon which, a feather bed being laid, the
farmers' wives and daughters are generally conveyed to fairs, wakes, and
stations, &c. Putting her dignity, if not in her pocket, at least
wherever it could be most easily accommodated, Miss O'Dowd placed her
fair self, in all the plenitude of her charms and the grandeur of a
"bran new green silk," a "little off the grass, and on the bottle,"
(I love to be particular,) upon this humble voiture, and set out on her
way, if not "rejoicing," at least consoled by Nicholas, that "It 'id be
black dark when they reached the house, and the devil a one 'id be the
wiser than if she came in a coach and four." Nicholas was right; it was
perfectly dark on their arrival at Callonby, and Miss O'Dowd having
dismounted, and shook her plumage, a little crumpled by her
half-recumbent position for eight miles, appeared in the drawing-room,
to receive the most courteous attentions from Lady Callonby, and from
his lordship the most flattering speeches for her kindness in risking
herself and bringing her horses on such a dreadful road, and assured her
of his getting a presentment the very next assizes to repair it; "For we
intend, Miss O'Dowd," said he, "to be most troublesome neighbours to you
in future."

The evening passed off most happily. Miss O'Dowd was delighted with her
hosts, whose character she resolved to maintain in spite of their
reputation for pride and haughtiness. Lady Jane sang an Irish melody for
her, Lady Callonby gave her slips of a rose geranium she got from the
Princess Augusta, and Lord Kilkee won her heart by the performance of
that most graceful step 'yclept "cover the buckle" in an Irish jig. But,
alas! how short-lived is human bliss, for while this estimable lady
revelled in the full enjoyment of the hour, the sword of Damocles hung
suspended above her head; in plain English, she had, on arriving at
Callonby, to prevent any unnecessary scrutiny into the nature of her
conveyance, ordered Nicholas to be at the door punctually at eleven; and
then to take an opportunity of quietly slipping open the drawing-room
door, and giving her an intimation of it, that she might take her leave
at once. Nicholas was up to time, and having disposed the conveyance
under the shadow of the porch, made his way to the door of the
drawing-room unseen and unobserved. He opened it gently and
noiselessly, merely sufficient to take a survey of the apartment, in
which, from the glare of the lights, and the busy hum of voices, he was
so bewildered that it was some minutes before he recognized his
mistress. At last he perceived her; she was seated at a card-table,
playing whist with Lord Callonby for her partner. Who the other players
were, he knew not. A proud man was Nicholas, as he saw his mistress
thus placed, actually sitting, as he afterwards expressed it, "forenint
the Lord," but his thoughts were bent on other matters, and it was no
time to indulge his vauntings.

He strove for some time patiently, to catch her eye, for she was so
situated as to permit of this, but without success. He then made a
slight attempt to attract her attention by beckoning with his finger; all
in vain. "Oh murther," said he, "what is this for? I'll have to spake
afther all."

"Four by honours," said his lordship, "and the odd trick. Another
double, I believe, Miss O'Dowd."

Miss O'Dowd nodded a graceful assent, while a sharp-looking old dowager
at the side of the table called out, "a rubber of four on, my Lord;" and
now began an explanation from the whole party at once. Nicholas saw this
was his time, and thought that in the melee, his hint might reach his
mistress unobserved by the remainder of the company. He accordingly
protruded his head into the room, and placing his finger upon the side of
his nose, and shutting one eye knowingly, with an air of great secrecy,
whispered out, "Miss Betty--Miss Betty, alanah!" For some minutes the
hum of the voices drowned his admonitions--but as, by degrees waxing
warmer in the cause, he called out more loudly,--every eye was turned to
the spot from whence these extraordinary sounds proceeded; and certainly
the appearance of Nicholas at the moment was well calculated to astonish
the "elegans" of a drawing room. With his one eye fixed eagerly in the
direction of his mistress, his red scratch wig pushed back off his
forehead, in the eagerness of his endeavour to be heard, there he stood,
perfectly unmindful of all around, save Miss O'Dowd herself. It may well
be believed, that such an apparition could not be witnessed with gravity,
and, accordingly a general titter ran through the room, the whist party
still contending about odd tricks and honours, being the only persons
insensible to the mirth around them--"Miss Betty, arrah, Miss Betty,"
said Nicholas with a sigh that converted the subdued laughter of the
guests into a perfect burst of mirth.

"Eh," said his lordship, turning round; "what is this? We are losing
something excellent, I fear."

At this moment, he caught a glimpse of Nicholas, and, throwing himself
back in this chair, laughed immoderately. It was now Miss Betty's turn;
she was about to rise from the table, when the well-known accents of
Nicholas fell upon her ear. She fell back in her seat--there he was: the
messenger of the foul fiend himself would have been more welcome at that
moment. Her blood rushed to her face and temples; her hands tingled; she
closed her eyes, and when she opened them, there stood the accursed
Nicholas glowering at her still.

"Man--man!" said she at length; "what do you mean, what do you want
here?"

Poor Nicholas, little guessing that the question was intended to throw a
doubt upon her acquaintance with him, and conceiving that the hour for
the announcement had come, hesitated for an instant how he should
designate the conveyance. He could not call it a coach! It certainly
was not a buggy--neither was it a jaunting car--what should he say--he
looked earnestly, and even imploringly at his mistress, as if to convey
some sense of his difficulty, and then, as it were, catching a sudden
inspiration, winked once more--as he said:--

"Miss Betty--the--the--the--," and here he looked indescribably droll;
"the thing, you know, is at the door."

All his Lordship's politeness was too little for the occasion, and Miss
O'Dowd's tenantry were lost to the Callonby interest for ever.




CHAPTER IV.

BOTANICAL STUDIES--THE NATURAL SYSTEM PREFERABLE TO THE LINNEAN.

"The carriage is at the door, my lord," said a servant, entering the
luncheon-room where we were all assembled.

"Now then, Mr. Lorrequer," said Lord Callonby, "allons, take another
glass of wine, and let us away. I expect you to make a most brilliant
speech, remember!"

His lordship here alluded to our intention of visiting a remote barony,
where a meeting of the freeholders was that day to be held, and at which
I was pledged for a "neat and appropriate" oration in abuse of the corn
laws and the holy alliance.

"I beg pardon, my lord," said her ladyship in a most languishing tone;
"but Mr. Lorrequer is pre-engaged; he has for the last week been
promising and deterring his visit to the new conservatory with me; where
he is to find out four or five of the Swiss shrubs that Collins cannot
make out--and which I am dying to know all about."

"Mr. Lorrequer is a false man then," said Lady Catherine, "for he said at
breakfast, that we should devote this afternoon to the chalk caves--as
the tide will be so far out, we can see them all perfectly."

"And I," said Lord Kilkee, "must put in my plea, that the aforesaid Mr.
Lorrequer is booked for a coursing match--'Mouche versus Jessie.'--Guilty
or not guilty?"

Lady Jane alone of all said not a word.

"Guilty on every count of the indictment," said I; "I throw myself on the
mercy of the court."

"Let his sentence then be banishment," said Lady Catherine with affected
anger, "and let him go with papa."

"I rather think," said Lord Kilkee, "the better plan is to let him visit
the conservatory, for I'd wager a fifty he finds it more difficult to
invent botany, than canvass freeholders; eh?"

"I am sure," said Lady Jane, for the first time breaking silence, "that
mamma is infinitely flattered by the proposal that Mr. Lorrequer's
company is to be conferred upon her for his sins."

"I am not to be affronted, nor quizzed out of my chaperon; here, Mr.
Lorrequer," said Lady Callonby rising, "get Smith's book there, and let
me have your arm; and now, young ladies, come along, and learn something,
if you can."

"An admirable proviso," said Lord Kilkee, laughing; "if his botany be
only as authentic as the autographs he gave Mrs. MacDermot, and all of
which he wrote himself, in my dressing-room, in half an hour. Napoleon
was the only difficult one in the number."

Most fortunately this unfair disclosure did not reach her ladyship's
ears, as she was busily engaged putting on her bonnet, and I was yet
unassailed in reputation to her.

"Good bye, then," said Lord Callonby; "we meet at seven;" and in a few
moments the little party were scattered to their several destinations.

"How very hot you have this place, Collins," said Lady Callonby as we
entered the conservatory.

"Only seventy-five, my lady, and the Magnolias require heat."

I here dropped a little behind, as if to examine a plant, and in a
half-whisper said to Lady Jane--

"How came it that you alone, Lady Jane, should forget I had made another
appointment? I thought you wished to make a sketch of Craigmoran Abbey
--did you forget that we were to ride there to-day?"

Before she could reply, Lady Callonby called out--"Oh, here it is, Mr.
Lorrequer. Is this a heath? that is the question."

Here her ladyship pointed to a little scrubby thing, that looked very
like a birch rod. I proceeded to examine it most minutely, while Collins
waited with all the intense anxiety of a man whose character depended on
the sentence.

"Collins will have it a jungermania," said she.

"And Collins is right," said I, not trusting myself with the
pronunciation of the awful word her ladyship uttered.

Collins looked ridiculously happy.

"Now that is so delightful," said Lady Callonby, as she stopped to look
for another puzzle.

"What a wretch it is," said Lady Catherine, covering her face with a
handkerchief.

"What a beautiful little flower," said Lady Jane, lifting up the bell of
a "lobelia splendens."

"You know, of course," said I, "what they call that flower in France
--L'amour tendre."

"Indeed!"

"True, I assure you; may I present you with this sprig of it," cutting
off a small twig, and presenting it at the same instant unseen by the
others.

She hesitated for an instant, and then extending her fair and taper hand
took it. I dared not look at her as she did so, but a proud swelling
triumph at my heart nearly choked me.

"Now Collins," said Lady Callonby, "I cannot find the Alpen tree I
brought home from the Grundenwald."

Collins hurried forward to her ladyship's side.

Lady Catherine was also called to assist in the search.

I was alone with Lady Jane.

"Now or never," thought I; I hesitated--I stammered--my voice faltered.
She saw my agitation; she participated in, and increased it. At last I
summoned up courage to touch her hand; she gently withdrew it--but so
gently, it was not a repulse.

"If Lady Jane," said I at length, "if the devoted--"

"Holloa, there," said a deep voice without; "is Mr. Lorrequer there?"

It was Lord Kilkee, returned from his coursing match. None but he who
has felt such an interruption, can feel for me. I shame to say that his
brotherhood to her, for whom I would have perilled my life, restrained me
not from something very like a hearty commendation of him to the powers
that burn--

"Down, dogs, there--down," continued he, and in a moment after entered
the conservatory flushed and heated with the chace.

"Mouche is the winner--two to one--and so, Master Shallow, I owe you a
thousand pounds."

Would to heaven that I had lost the wager, had it only taken a little
longer to decide it! I of course appeared overjoyed at my dog's success,
and listened with great pretence of interest to the narrative of the
"run;" the more so, because that though perhaps more my friend than the
older members of the family, Lord Kilkee evidently liked less than them,
my growing intimacy with his sister; and I was anxious to blind him on
the present occasion, when, but for his recent excitement, very little
penetration would have enabled him to detect that something unusual had
taken place.

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