Book: The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Complete

J >> Jean Jacques Rousseau >> The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Complete




When the marechal came to see me at Mont Louis, I was uneasy at receiving
him and his retinue in my only chamber; not because I was obliged to make
them all sit down in the midst of my dirty plates and broken pots, but on
account of the state of the floor, which was rotten and falling to ruin,
and I was afraid the weight of his attendants would entirely sink it.
Less concerned on account of my own danger than for that to which the
affability of the marechal exposed him, I hastened to remove him from it
by conducting him, notwithstanding the coldness of the weather, to my
alcove, which was quite open to the air, and had no chimney. When he was
there I told him my reason for having brought him to it; he told it to
his lady, and they both pressed me to accept, until the floor was
repaired, a lodging of the castle; or, if I preferred it, in a separate
edifice called the Little Castle which was in the middle of the park.
This delightful abode deserves to be spoken of.

The park or garden of Montmorency is not a plain, like that of the
Chevrette. It is uneven, mountainous, raised by little hills and
valleys, of which the able artist has taken advantage; and thereby varied
his groves, ornaments, waters, and points of view, and, if I may so
speak, multiplied by art and genius a space in itself rather narrow.
This park is terminated at the top by a terrace and the castle; at bottom
it forms a narrow passage which opens and becomes wider towards the
valley, the angle of which is filled up with a large piece of water.
Between the orangery, which is in this widening, and the piece of water,
the banks of which are agreeably decorated, stands the Little Castle of
which I have spoken. This edifice, and the ground about it, formerly
belonged to the celebrated Le Brun, who amused himself in building and
decorating it in the exquisite taste of architectual ornaments which that
great painter had formed to himself. The castle has since been rebuilt,
but still, according to the plan and design of its first master. It is
little and simple, but elegant. As it stands in a hollow between the
orangery and the large piece of water, and consequently is liable to be
damp, it is open in the middle by a peristyle between two rows of
columns, by which means the air circulating throughout the whole edifice
keeps it dry, notwithstanding its unfavorable situation. When the
building is seen from the opposite elevation, which is a point of view,
it appears absolutely surrounded with water, and we imagine we have
before our eyes an enchanted island, or the most beautiful of the three
Boromeans, called Isola Bella, in the greater lake.

In this solitary edifice I was offered the choice of four complete
apartments it contains, besides the ground floor, consisting of a dancing
room, billiard room and a kitchen. I chose the smallest over the
kitchen, which also I had with it. It was charmingly neat, with blue and
white furniture. In this profound and delicious solitude, in the midst
of the woods, the singing of birds of every kind, and the perfume of
orange flowers, I composed, in a continual ecstasy, the fifth book of
Emilius, the coloring of which I owe in a great measure to the lively
impression I received from the place I inhabited.

With what eagerness did I run every morning at sunrise to respire the
perfumed air in the peristyle! What excellent coffee I took there
tete-a-tete with my Theresa. My cat and dog were our company. This
retinue alone would have been sufficient for me during my whole life,
in which I should not have had one weary moment. I was there in a
terrestrial paradise; I lived in innocence and tasted of happiness.

At the journey of July, M. and Madam de Luxembourg showed me so much
attention, and were so extremely kind, that, lodged in their house, and
overwhelmed with their goodness, I could not do less than make them a
proper return in assiduous respect near their persons; I scarcely quitted
them; I went in the morning to pay my court to Madam la Marechale; after
dinner I walked with the marechal; but did not sup at the castle on
account of the numerous guests, and because they supped too late for me.
Thus far everything was as it should be, and no harm would have been done
could I have remained at this point. But I have never known how to
preserve a medium in my attachments, and simply fulfil the duties of
society. I have ever been everything or nothing. I was soon everything;
and receiving the most polite attention from persons of the highest rank,
I passed the proper bounds, and conceived for them a friendship not
permitted except among equals. Of these I had all the familiarity in my
manners, whilst they still preserved in theirs the same politeness to
which they had accustomed me. Yet I was never quite at my ease with
Madam de Luxembourg. Although I was not quite relieved from my fears
relative to her character, I apprehended less danger from it than from
her wit. It was by this especially that she impressed me with awe.
I knew she was difficult as to conversation, and she had a right to be
so. I knew women, especially those of her rank, would absolutely be
amused, that it was better to offend than to weary them, and I judged by
her commentaries upon what the people who went away had said what she
must think of my blunders. I thought of an expedient to spare me with
her the embarrassment of speaking; this was reading. She had heard of my
Eloisa, and knew it was in the press; she expressed a desire to see the
work; I offered to read it to her, and she accepted my offer. I went to
her every morning at ten o'clock; M. de Luxembourg was present, and the
door was shut. I read by the side of her bed, and so well proportioned
my readings that there would have been sufficient for the whole time she
had to stay, had they even not been interrupted.

[The loss of a great battle, which much afflicted the King,
obliged M. de Luxembourg precipitately to return to court.]

The success of this expedient surpassed my expectation. Madam de
Luxembourg took a great liking to Julia and the author; she spoke of
nothing but me, thought of nothing else, said civil things to me from
morning till night, and embraced me ten times a day. She insisted on me
always having my place by her side at table, and when any great lords
wished it she told them it was mine, and made them sit down somewhere
else. The impression these charming manners made upon me, who was
subjugated by the least mark of affection, may easily be judged of.
I became really attached to her in proportion to the attachment she
showed me. All my fear in perceiving this infatuation, and feeling the
want of agreeableness in myself to support it, was that it would be
changed into disgust; and unfortunately this fear was but too well
founded.

There must have been a natural opposition between her turn of mind and
mine, since, independently of the numerous stupid things which at every
instant escaped me in conversation, and even in my letters, and when I
was upon the best terms with her, there were certain other things with
which she was displeased without my being able to imagine the reason.
I will quote one instance from among twenty. She knew I was writing for
Madam d'Houdetot a copy of the New Eloisa. She was desirous to have one
on the same footing. This I promised her, and thereby making her one of
my customers, I wrote her a polite letter upon the subject, at least such
was my intention. Her answer, which was as follows, stupefied me with
surprise.

VERSAILLES, Tuesday.

"I am ravished, I am satisfied: your letter has given me infinite
pleasure, and I take the earliest moment to acquaint you with, and thank
you for it.

"These are the exact words of your letter: 'Although you are certainly a
very good customer, I have some pain in receiving your money: according
to regular order I ought to pay for the pleasure I should have in working
for you.' I will say nothing more on the subject. I have to complain of
your not speaking of your state of health: nothing interests me more.
I love you with all my heart: and be assured that I write this to you in
a very melancholy mood, for I should have much pleasure in telling it to
you myself. M. de Luxembourg loves and embraces you with all his heart.

"On receiving the letter I hastened to answer it, reserving to myself more
fully to examine the matter, protesting against all disobliging
interpretation, and after having given several days to this examination
with an inquietude which may easily be conceived, and still without being
able to discover in what I could have erred, what follows was my final
answer on the subject.

"MONTMORENCY, 8th December, 1759.

"Since my last letter I have examined a hundred times the passage in
question. I have considered it in its proper and natural meaning, as
well as in every other which may be given to it, and I confess to you,
madam, that I know not whether it be I who owe to you excuses, or you
from whom they are due to me."

It is now ten years since these letters were written. I have since that
time frequently thought of the subject of them; and such is still my
stupidity that I have hitherto been unable to discover what in the
passages, quoted from my letter, she could find offensive, or even
displeasing.

I must here mention, relative to the manuscript copy of Eloisa Madam de
Luxembourg wished to have, in what manner I thought to give it some
marked advantage which should distinguish it from all others. I had
written separately the adventures of Lord Edward, and had long been
undetermined whether I should insert them wholly, or in extracts, in the
work in which they seemed to be wanting. I at length determined to
retrench them entirely, because, not being in the manner of the rest,
they would have spoiled the interesting simplicity, which was its
principal merit. I had still a stronger reason when I came to know Madam
de Luxembourg: There was in these adventures a Roman marchioness, of a
bad character, some parts of which, without being applicable, might have
been applied to her by those to whom she was not particularly known.
I was therefore, highly pleased with the determination to which I had
come, and resolved to abide by it. But in the ardent desire to enrich
her copy with something which was not in the other, what should I fall
upon but these unfortunate adventures, and I concluded on making an
extract from them to add to the work; a project dictated by madness, of
which the extravagance is inexplicable, except by the blind fatality
which led me on to destruction.

'Quos vult perdere Jupiter dementet.'

I was stupid enough to make this extract with the greatest care and
pains, and to send it her as the finest thing in the world; it is true,
I at the same time informed her the original was burned, which was really
the case, that the extract was for her alone, and would never be seen,
except by herself, unless she chose to show it; which, far from proving,
to her my prudence and discretion, as it was my intention to do, clearly
intimated what I thought of the application by which she might be
offended. My stupidity was such, that I had no doubt of her being
delighted with what I had done. She did not make me the compliment upon
it which I expected, and, to my great surprise, never once mentioned the
paper I had sent her. I was so satisfied with myself, that it was not
until a long time afterwards, I judged, from other indications, of the
effect it had produced.

I had still, in favor of her manuscript, another idea more reasonable,
but which, by more distant effects, has not been much less prejudicial to
me; so much does everything concur with the work of destiny, when that
hurries on a man to misfortune. I thought of ornamenting the manuscript
with the engravings of the New Eloisa, which were of the same size. I
asked Coindet for these engravings, which belonged to me by every kind of
title, and the more so as I had given him the produce of the plates,
which had a considerable sale. Coindet is as cunning as I am the
contrary. By frequently asking him for the engravings he came to the
knowledge of the use I intended to make of them. He then, under pretence
of adding some new ornament, still kept them from me; and at length
presented them himself.

'Ego versiculos feci, tulit alter honores.'

This gave him an introduction upon a certain footing to the Hotel de
Luxembourg. After my establishment at the little castle he came rather
frequently to see me, and always in the morning, especially when M. and
Madam de Luxembourg were at Montmorency. Therefore that I might pass the
day with him, I did not go the castle. Reproaches were made me on
account of my absence; I told the reason of them. I was desired to bring
with me M. Coindet; I did so. This was, what he had sought after.
Therefore, thanks to the excessive goodness M. and Madam de Luxembourg
had for me, a clerk to M. Thelusson, who was sometimes pleased to give
him his table when he had nobody else to dine with him, was suddenly
placed at that of a marechal of France, with princes, duchesses, and
persons of the highest rank at court. I shall never forget, that one day
being obliged to return early to Paris, the marechal said, after dinner,
to the company, "Let us take a walk upon the road to St. Denis, and we
will accompany M. Coindet." This was too much for the poor man; his head
was quite turned. For my part, my heart was so affected that I could not
say a word. I followed the company, weeping like a child, and having the
strongest desire to kiss the foot of the good marechal; but the
continuation of the history of the manuscript has made me anticipate.
I will go a little back, and, as far as my memory will permit, mark each
event in its proper order.

As soon as the little house of Mont Louis was ready, I had it neatly
furnished and again established myself there. I could not break through
the resolution I had made on quitting the Hermitage of always having my
apartment to myself; but I found a difficulty in resolving to quit the
little castle. I kept the key of it, and being delighted with the
charming breakfasts of the peristyle, frequently went to the castle to
sleep, and stayed three or four days as at a country-house. I was at
that time perhaps better and more agreeably lodged than any private
individual in Europe. My host, M. Mathas, one of the best men in the
world, had left me the absolute direction of the repairs at Mont Louis,
and insisted upon my disposing of his workmen without his interference.
I therefore found the means of making of a single chamber upon the first
story, a complete set of apartments consisting of a chamber, antechamber,
and a water closet. Upon the ground-floor was the kitchen and the
chamber of Theresa. The alcove served me for a closet by means of a
glazed partition and a chimney I had made there. After my return to this
habitation, I amused myself in decorating the terrace, which was already
shaded by two rows of linden trees; I added two others to make a cabinet
of verdure, and placed in it a table and stone benches: I surrounded it
with lilies, syringa and woodbines, and had a beautiful border of flowers
parallel with the two rows of trees. This terrace, more elevated than
that of the castle, from which the view was at least as fine, and where I
had tamed a great number of birds, was my drawing-room, in which I
received M. and Madam de Luxembourg, the Duke of Villeroy, the Prince of
Tingry, the Marquis of Armentieres, the Duchess of Montmorency, the
Duchess of Bouffiers, the Countess of Valentinois, the Countess of
Boufflers, and other persons of the first rank; who, from the castle
disdained not to make, over a very fatiguing mountain, the pilgrimage of
Mont Louis. I owed all these visits to the favor of M. and Madam de
Luxembourg; this I felt, and my heart on that account did them all due
homage. It was with the same sentiment that I once said to M. de
Luxembourg, embracing him: "Ah! Monsieur le Marechal, I hated the great
before I knew you, and I have hated them still more since you have shown
me with what ease they might acquire universal respect." Further than
this I defy any person with whom I was then acquainted, to say I was ever
dazzled for an instant with splendor, or that the vapor of the incense I
received ever affected my head; that I was less uniform in my manner,
less plain in my dress, less easy of access to people of the lowest rank,
less familiar with neighbors, or less ready to render service to every
person when I had it in my power so to do, without ever once being
discouraged by the numerous and frequently unreasonable importunities
with which I was incessantly assailed.

Although my heart led me to the castle of Montmorency, by my sincere
attachment to those by whom it was inhabited, it by the same means drew
me back to the neighborhood of it, there to taste the sweets of the equal
and simple life, in which my only happiness consisted. Theresa had
contracted a friendship with the daughter of one of my neighbors, a mason
of the name of Pilleu; I did the same with the father, and after having
dined at the castle, not without some constraint, to please Madam de
Luxembourg, with what eagerness did I return in the evening to sup with
the good man Pilleu and his family, sometimes at his own house and at
others, at mine.

Besides my two lodgings in the country, I soon had a third at the Hotel
de Luxembourg, the proprietors of which pressed me so much to go and see
them there, that I consented, notwithstanding my aversion to Paris,
where, since my retiring to the Hermitage, I had been but twice, upon the
two occasions of which I have spoken. I did not now go there except on
the days agreed upon, solely to supper, and the next morning I returned
to the country. I entered and came out by the garden which faces the
boulevard, so that I could with the greatest truth, say I had not set my
foot upon the stones of Paris.

In the midst of this transient prosperity, a catastrophe, which was to be
the conclusion of it, was preparing at a distance. A short time after my
return to Mont Louis, I made there, and as it was customary, against my
inclination, a new acquaintance, which makes another era in my private
history. Whether this be favorable or unfavorable, the reader will
hereafter be able to judge. The person with whom I became acquainted was
the Marchioness of Verdelin, my neighbor, whose husband had just bought
a country-house at Soisy, near Montmorency. Mademoiselle d'Ars, daughter
to the Comte d'Ars, a man of fashion, but poor, had married M. de
Verdelin, old, ugly, deaf, uncouth, brutal, jealous, with gashes in his
face, and blind of one eye, but, upon the whole, a good man when properly
managed, and in possession of a fortune of from fifteen to twenty
thousand a year. This charming object, swearing, roaring, scolding,
storming, and making his wife cry all day long, ended by doing whatever
she thought proper, and this to set her in a rage, because she knew how
to persuade him that it was he who would, and she would not have it so.
M. de Margency, of whom I have spoken, was the friend of madam, and
became that of monsieur. He had a few years before let them his castle
of Margency, near Eaubonne and Andilly, and they resided there precisely
at the time of my passion for Madam d'Houdetot. Madam d'Houdetot and
Madam de Verdelin became acquainted with each other, by means of Madam
d'Aubeterre their common friend; and as the garden of Margency was in the
road by which Madam d'Houdetot went to Mont Olympe, her favorite walk,
Madam de Verdelin gave her a key that she might pass through it. By
means of this key I crossed it several times with her; but I did not like
unexpected meetings, and when Madam de Verdelin was by chance upon our
way I left them together without speaking to her, and went on before.
This want of gallantry must have made on her an impression unfavorable to
me. Yet when she was at Soisy she was anxious to have my company. She
came several times to see me at Mont Louis, without finding me at home,
and perceiving I did not return her visit, took it into her head, as a
means of forcing me to do it, to send me pots of flowers for my terrace.
I was under the necessity of going to thank her; this was all she wanted,
and we thus became acquainted.

This connection, like every other I formed; or was led into contrary to
my inclination, began rather boisterously. There never reigned in it a
real calm. The turn of mind of Madam de Verdelinwas too opposite to
mine. Malignant expressions and pointed sarcasms came from her with so
much simplicity, that a continual attention too fatiguing for me was
necessary to perceive she was turning into ridicule the person to whom
she spoke. One trivial circumstance which occurs to my recollection will
be sufficient to give an idea of her manner. Her brother had just
obtained the command of a frigate cruising against the English. I spoke
of the manner of fitting out this frigate without diminishing its
swiftness of sailing. "Yes," replied she, in the most natural tone of
voice, "no more cannon are taken than are necessary for fighting."
I seldom have heard her speak well of any of her absent friends without
letting slip something to their prejudice. What she did not see with an
evil eye she looked upon with one of ridicule, and her friend Margency
was not excepted. What I found most insupportable in her was the
perpetual constraint proceeding from her little messages, presents and
billets, to which it was a labor for me to answer, and I had continual
embarrassments either in thanking or refusing. However, by frequently
seeing this lady I became attached to her. She had her troubles as well
as I had mine. Reciprocal confidence rendered our conversations
interesting. Nothing so cordially attaches two persons as the
satisfaction of weeping together. We sought the company of each other
for our reciprocal consolation, and the want of this has frequently made
me pass over many things. I had been so severe in my frankness with her,
that after having sometimes shown so little esteem for her character, a
great deal was necessary to be able to believe she could sincerely
forgive me.

The following letter is a specimen of the epistles I sometimes wrote to
her, and it is to be remarked that she never once in any of her answers
to them seemed to be in the least degree piqued.

MONTMORENCY, 5th November, 1760.

"You tell me, madam, you have not well explained yourself, in order to
make me understand I have explained myself ill. You speak of your
pretended stupidity for the purpose of making me feel my own. You boast
of being nothing more than a good kind of woman, as if you were afraid to
being taken at your word, and you make me apologies to tell me I owe them
to you. Yes, madam, I know it; it is I who am a fool, a good kind of
man; and, if it be possible, worse than all this; it is I who make a bad
choice of my expressions in the opinion of a fine French lady, who pays
as much attention to words, and speak as well as you do. But consider
that I take them in the common meaning of the language without knowing or
troubling my head about the polite acceptations in which they are taken
in the virtuous societies of Paris. If my expressions are sometimes
equivocal, I endeavored by my conduct to determine their meaning," etc.
The rest of the letter is much the same.

Coindet, enterprising, bold, even to effrontery, and who was upon the
watch after all my friends, soon introduced himself in my name to the
house of Madam de Verdelin, and, unknown to me, shortly became there more
familiar than myself. This Coindet was an extraordinary man. He
presented himself in my name in the houses of all my acquaintance, gained
a footing in them, and eat there without ceremony. Transported with zeal
to do me service, he never mentioned my name without his eyes being
suffused with tears; but, when he came to see me, he kept the most
profound silence on the subject of all these connections, and especially
on that in which he knew I must be interested. Instead of telling me
what he had heard, said, or seen, relative to my affairs, he waited for
my speaking to him, and even interrogated me. He never knew anything of
what passed in Paris, except that which I told him: finally, although
everybody spoke to me of him, he never once spoke to me of any person; he
was secret and mysterious with his friend only; but I will for the
present leave Coindet and Madam de Verdelin, and return to them at a
proper time.

Sometime after my return to Mont Louis, La Tour, the painter, came to see
me, and brought with him my portrait in crayons, which a few years before
he had exhibited at the salon. He wished to give me this portrait, which
I did not choose to accept. But Madam d'Epinay, who had given me hers,
and would have had this, prevailed upon me to ask him for it. He had
taken some time to retouch the features. In the interval happened my
rupture with Madam d'Epinay; I returned her her portrait; and giving her
mine being no longer in question, I put it into my chamber, in the
castle. M. de Luxembourg saw it there, and found it a good one; I
offered it him, he accepted it, and I sent it to the castle. He and his
lady comprehended I should be very glad to have theirs. They had them
taken in miniature by a very skilful hand, set in a box of rock crystal,
mounted with gold, and in a very handsome manner, with which I was
delighted, made me a present of both. Madam de Luxenbourg would never
consent that her portrait should be on the upper part of the box. She
had reproached me several times with loving M. de Luxembourg better than
I did her; I had not denied it because it was true. By this manner of
placing her portrait she showed very politely, but very clearly, she had
not forgotten the preference.

Copyright (c) 2007. knowncrafts.net. All rights reserved.