Book: The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Complete

J >> Jean Jacques Rousseau >> The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Complete




One thing in the publication of the work alarmed me, less on account of
my safety than for the unburdening of my mind. At the Hermitage and at
Montmorency I had seen with indignation the vexations which the jealous
care of the pleasures of princes causes to be exercised on wretched
peasants, forced to suffer the havoc made by game in their fields,
without daring to take any other measure to prevent this devastation than
that of making a noise, passing the night amongst the beans and peas,
with drums, kettles and bells, to keep off the wild boars. As I had been
a witness to the barbarous cruelty with which the Comte de Charolois
treated these poor people, I had toward the end of Emilius exclaimed
against it. This was another infraction of my maxims, which has not
remained unpunished. I was informed that the people of the Prince of
Conti were but little less severe upon his, estates; I trembled less that
prince, for whom I was penetrated with respect and gratitude, should take
to his own account what shocked humanity had made me say on that of
others, and feel himself offended. Yet, as my conscience fully acquitted
me upon this article, I made myself easy, and by so doing acted wisely:
at least, I have not heard that this great prince took notice of the
passage, which, besides, was written long before I had the honor of being
known to him.

A few days either before or after the publication of my work, for I do
not exactly recollect the time, there appeared another work upon the same
subject, taken verbatim from my first volume, except a few stupid things
which were joined to the extract. The book bore the name of a Genevese,
one Balexsert, and, according to the title-page, had gained the premium
in the Academy of Harlem. I easily imagined the academy and the premium
to be newly founded, the better to conceal the plagiarism from the eyes
of the public; but I further perceived there was some prior intrigue
which I could not unravel; either by the lending of my manuscript,
without which the theft could not have been committed, or for the purpose
of forging the story of the pretended premium, to which it was necessary
to give some foundation. It was not until several years afterwards, that
by a word which escaped D'Ivernois, I penetrated the mystery and
discovered those by whom Balexsert had been brought forward.

The low murmurings which precede a storm began to be heard, and men of
penetration clearly saw there was something gathering, relative to me and
my book, which would shortly break over my head. For my part my
stupidity was such, that, far from foreseeing my misfortune, I did not
suspect even the cause of it after I had felt its effect. It was
artfully given out that while the Jesuits were treated with severity,
no indulgence could be shown to books nor the authors of them in which
religion was attacked. I was reproached with having put my name to
Emilius, as if I had not put it to all my other works of which nothing
was said. Government seemed to fear it should be obliged to take some
steps which circumstances rendered necessary on account of my imprudence.
Rumors to this effect reached my ears, but gave me not much uneasiness:
it never even came into my head, that there could be the least thing in
the whole affair which related to me personally, so perfectly
irreproachable and well supported did I think myself; having besides
conformed to every ministerial regulation, I did not apprehend Madam de
Luxembourg would leave me in difficulties for an error, which, if it
existed, proceeded entirely from herself. But knowing the manner of
proceeding in like cases, and that it was customary to punish booksellers
while authors were favored; I had some uneasiness on account of poor
Duchesne, whom I saw exposed to danger, should M. de Malesherbes abandon
him.

My tranquility still continued. Rumors increased and soon changed their
nature. The public, and especially the parliament, seemed irritated by
my composure. In a few days the fermentation became terrible, and the
object of the menaces being changed, these were immediately addressed to
me. The parliamentarians were heard to declare that burning books was of
no effect, the authors also should be burned with them; not a word was
said of the booksellers. The first time these expressions, more worthy
of an inquisitor of Goa than a senator, were related to me, I had no
doubt of their coming from the Holbachiques with an intention to alarm me
and drive me from France. I laughed at their puerile manoeuvre, and said
they would, had they known the real state of things, have thought of some
other means of inspiring me with fear; but the rumor at length became
such that I perceived the matter was serious. M. and Madam de Luxembourg
had this year come to Montmorency in the month of June, which, for their
second journey, was more early than common. I heard but little there of
my new books, notwithstanding the noise they made in Paris; neither the
marechal nor his lady said a single word to me on the subject. However,
one morning, when M. de Luxembourg and I were together, he asked me if,
in the 'Social Contract', I had spoken ill of M. de Choiseul. "I?" said
I, retreating a few steps with surprise; "no, I swear to you I have not;
but on the contrary, I have made on him, and with a pen not given to
praise, the finest eulogium a minister ever received." I then showed him
the passage. "And in Emilius?" replied he. "Not a word," said I;
"there is not in it a single word which relates to him."--"Ah!" said he,
with more vivacity than was common to him, "you should have taken the
same care in the other book, or have expressed yourself more clearly!"
"I thought," replied I, "what I wrote could not be misconstrued; my
esteem for him was such as to make me extremely cautious not to be
equivocal."

He was again going to speak; I perceived him ready to open his mind: he
stopped short and held his tongue. Wretched policy of a courtier, which
in the best of hearts, subjugates friendship itself!

This conversation although short, explained to me my situation, at least
in certain respects, and gave me to understand that it was against myself
the anger of administration was raised. The unheard of fatality, which
turned to my prejudice all the good I did and wrote, afflicted my heart.
Yet, feeling myself shielded in this affair by Madam de Luxembourg and M.
de Malesherbes, I did not perceive in what my persecutors could deprive
me of their protection. However, I, from that moment was convinced
equity and judgment were no longer in question, and that no pains would
be spared in examining whether or not I was culpable. The storm became
still more menacing. Neaulme himself expressed to me, in the excess of
his babbling, how much he repented having had anything to do in the
business, and his certainty of the fate with which the book and the
author were threatened. One thing, however, alleviated my fears: Madam
de Luxembourg was so calm, satisfied and cheerful, that I concluded she
must necessarily be certain of the sufficiency of her credit, especially
if she did not seem to have the least apprehension on my account;
moreover, she said not to me a word either of consolation or apology, and
saw the turn the affair took with as much unconcern as if she had nothing
to do with it or anything else that related to me. What surprised me
most was her silence. I thought she should have said something on the
subject. Madam de Boufflers seemed rather uneasy. She appeared
agitated, strained herself a good deal, assured me the Prince of Conti
was taking great pains to ward off the blow about to be directed against
my person, and which she attributed to the nature of present
circumstances, in which it was of importance to the parliament not to
leave the Jesuits an opening whereby they might bring an accusation
against it as being indifferent with respect to religion. She did not,
however, seem to depend much either upon the success of her own efforts
or even those of the prince. Her conversations, more alarming than
consolatory, all tended to persuade me to leave the kingdom and go to
England, where she offered me an introduction to many of her friends,
amongst others one to the celebrated Hume, with whom she had long been
upon a footing of intimate friendship. Seeing me still unshaken, she had
recourse to other arguments more capable of disturbing my tranquillity.
She intimated that, in case I was arrested and interrogated, I should be
under the necessity of naming Madam de Luxembourg, and that her
friendship for me required, on my part, such precautions as were
necessary to prevent her being exposed. My answer was, that should what
she seemed to apprehend come to pass, she need not be alarmed; that I
should do nothing by which the lady she mentioned might become a
sufferer. She said such a resolution was more easily taken than adhered
to, and in this she was right, especially with respect to me, determined
as I always have been neither to prejudice myself nor lie before judges,
whatever danger there might be in speaking the truth.

Perceiving this observation had made some impression upon my mind,
without however inducing me to resolve upon evasion, she spoke of the
Bastile for a few weeks, as a means of placing me beyond the reach of the
jurisdiction of the parliament, which has nothing to do with prisoners of
state. I had no objection to this singular favor, provided it were not
solicited in my name. As she never spoke of it a second time, I
afterwards thought her proposition was made to sound me, and that the
party did not think proper to have recourse to an expedient which would
have put an end to everything.

A few days afterwards the marechal received from the Cure de Dueil, the
friend of Grimm and Madam d'Epinay, a letter informing him, as from good
authority, that the parliament was to proceed against me with the
greatest severity, and that, on a day which he mentioned, an order was to
be given to arrest me. I imagined this was fabricated by the
Holbachiques; I knew the parliament to be very attentive to forms,
and that on this occasion, beginning by arresting me before it was
juridically known I avowed myself the author of the book was violating
them all. I observed to Madam de Boufflers that none but persons accused
of crimes which tend to endanger the public safety were, on a simple
information ordered to be arrested lest they should escape punishment.
But when government wish to punish a crime like mine, which merits honor
and recompense, the proceedings are directed against the book, and the
author is as much as possible left out of the question.

Upon this she made some subtle distinction, which I have forgotten, to
prove that ordering me to be arrested instead of summoning me to be heard
was a matter of favor. The next day I received a letter from Guy, who
informed me that having in the morning been with the attorney-general, he
had seen in his office a rough draft of a requisition against Emilius and
the author. Guy, it is to be remembered, was the partner of Duchesne,
who had printed the work, and without apprehensions on his own account,
charitably gave this information to the author. The credit I gave to him
maybe judged of.

It was, no doubt, a very probable story, that a bookseller, admitted to
an audience by the attorney-general, should read at ease scattered rough
drafts in the office of that magistrate! Madam de Boufflers and others
confirmed what he had said. By the absurdities which were incessantly
rung in my ears, I was almost tempted to believe that everybody I heard
speak had lost their senses.

Clearly perceiving that there was some mystery, which no one thought
proper to explain to me, I patiently awaited the event, depending upon my
integrity and innocence, and thinking myself happy, let the persecution
which awaited me be what it would, to be called to the honor of suffering
in the cause of truth. Far from being afraid and concealing myself,
I went every day to the castle, and in the afternoon took my usual walk.
On the eighth of June, the evening before the order was concluded on, I
walked in company with two professors of the oratory, Father Alamanni and
Father Mandard. We carried to Champeaux a little collation, which we ate
with a keen appetite. We had forgotten to bring glasses, and supplied
the want of them by stalks of rye, through which we sucked up the wine
from the bottle, piquing ourselves upon the choice of large tubes to vie
with each other in pumping up what we drank. I never was more cheerful
in my life.

I have related in what manner I lost my sleep during my youth. I had
since that time contracted a habit of reading every night in my bed,
until I found my eyes begin to grow heavy. I then extinguished my wax
taper, and endeavored to slumber for a few moments, which were in general
very short. The book I commonly read at night was the Bible, which, in
this manner I read five or six times from the beginning to the end. This
evening, finding myself less disposed to sleep than ordinary, I continued
my reading beyond the usual hour, and read the whole book which finishes
at the Levite of Ephraim, the Book of judges, if I mistake not, for since
that time I have never once seen it. This history affected me
exceedingly, and, in a kind of a dream, my imagination still ran on it,
when suddenly I was roused from my stupor by a noise and light. Theresa
carrying a candle, lighted M. la Roche, who perceiving me hastily raise
myself up, said: "Do not be alarmed; I come from Madam de Luxembourg,
who, in her letter incloses you another from the Prince of Conti."
In fact, in the letter of Madam de Luxembourg I found another, which an
express from the prince had brought her, stating that, notwithstanding
all his efforts, it was determined to proceed against me with the utmost
rigor. "The fermentation," said he, "is extreme; nothing can ward off
the blow; the court requires it, and the parliament will absolutely
proceed; at seven o'clock in the morning an order will be made to arrest
him, and persons will immediately be sent to execute it. I have obtained
a promise that he shall not be pursued if he makes his escape; but if he
persists in exposing himself to be taken this will immediately happen."
La Roche conjured me in behalf of Madam de Luxembourg to rise and go and
speak to her. It was two o'clock and she had just retired to bed.
"She expects you," added he, "and will not go to sleep without speaking
to you." I dressed myself in haste and ran to her.

She appeared to be agitated; this was for the first time. Her distress
affected me. In this moment of surprise and in the night, I myself was
not free from emotion; but on seeing her I forgot my own situation, and
thought of nothing but the melancholy part she would have to act should I
suffer myself to be arrested; for feeling I had sufficient courage
strictly to adhere to truth, although I might be certain of its being
prejudicial or even destructive to me, I was convinced I had not presence
of mind, address, nor perhaps firmness enough, not to expose her should I
be closely pressed. This determined me to sacrifice my reputation to her
tranquillity, and to do for her that which nothing could have prevailed
upon me to do for myself. The moment I had come to this resolution,
I declared it, wishing not to diminish the magnitude of the sacrifice by
giving her the least trouble to obtain it. I am sure she could not
mistake my motive, although she said not a word, which proved to me she
was sensible of it. I was so much shocked at her indifference that I,
for a moment, thought of retracting; but the marechal came in, and Madam
de Bouffiers arrived from Paris a few moments afterwards. They did what
Madam de Luxembourg ought to have done. I suffered myself to be
flattered; I was ashamed to retract; and the only thing that remained to
be determined upon was the place of my retreat and the time of my
departure. M. de Luxembourg proposed to me to remain incognito a few
days at the castle, that we might deliberate at leisure, and take such
measures as should seem most proper; to this I would not consent, no more
than to go secretly to the temple. I was determined to set off the same
day rather than remain concealed in any place whatever.

Knowing I had secret and powerful enemies in the kingdom, I thought,
notwithstanding my attachment to France, I ought to quit it, the better
to insure my future tranquillity. My first intention was to retire to
Geneva, but a moment of reflection was sufficient to dissuade me from
committing that act of folly; I knew the ministry of France, more
powerful at Geneva than at Paris, would not leave me more at peace in one
of these cities than in the other, were a resolution taken to torment me.
I was also convinced the 'Discourse upon Inequality' had excited against
me in the council a hatred the more dangerous as the council dared not
make it manifest. I had also learned, that when the New Eloisa appeared,
the same council had immediately forbidden the sale of that work, upon
the solicitation of Doctor Tronchin; but perceiving the example not to be
imitated, even in Paris, the members were ashamed of what they had done,
and withdrew the prohibition.

I had no doubt that, finding in the present case a more favorable
opportunity, they would be very careful to take advantage of it.
Notwithstanding exterior appearances, I knew there reigned against me in
the heart of every Genevese a secret jealousy, which, in the first
favorable moment, would publicly show itself. Nevertheless, the love of
my country called me to it, and could I have flattered myself I should
there have lived in peace, I should not have hesitated; but neither honor
nor reason permitting me to take refuge as a fugitive in a place of which
I was a citizen, I resolved to approach it only, and to wait in
Switzerland until something relative to me should be determined upon in
Geneva. This state of uncertainty did not, as it will soon appear,
continue long.

Madam de Boufflers highly disapproved this resolution, and renewed her
efforts to induce me to go to England, but all she could say was of no
effect; I had never loved England nor the English, and the eloquence of
Madam de Boufflers, far from conquering my repugnancy, seemed to increase
it without my knowing why. Determined to set off the same day, I was
from the morning inaccessible to everybody, and La Roche, whom I sent to
fetch my papers, would not tell Theresa whether or not I was gone. Since
I had determined to write my own memoirs, I had collected a great number
of letters and other papers, so that he was obliged to return several
times. A part of these papers, already selected, were laid aside, and I
employed the morning in sorting the rest, that I might take with me such
only as were necessary and destroy what remained.

M. de Luxembourg, was kind enough to assist me in this business, which we
could not finish before it was necessary I should set off, and I had not
time to burn a single paper. The marechal offered to take upon himself
to sort what I should leave behind me, and throw into the fire every
sheet that he found useless, without trusting to any person whomsoever,
and to send me those of which he should make choice. I accepted his
offer, very glad to be delivered from that care, that I might pass the
few hours I had to remain with persons so dear to me, from whom I was
going to separate forever. He took the key of the chamber in which I had
left these papers; and, at my earnest solicitation, sent for my poor
aunt, who, not knowing what had become of me, or what was to become of
herself, and in momentary expectation of the arrival of the officers of
justice, without knowing how to act or what to answer them, was miserable
to an extreme. La Roche accompanied her to the castle in silence; she
thought I was already far from Montmorency; on perceiving me, she made
the place resound with her cries, and threw herself into my arms. Oh,
friendship, affinity of sentiment, habit and intimacy.

In this pleasing yet cruel moment, the remembrance of so many days of
happiness, tenderness and peace, passed together augmented the grief of a
first separation after an union of seventeen years during which we had
scarcely lost sight of each other for a single day.

The marechal who saw this embrace, could not suppress his tears.
He withdrew. Theresa determined never more to leave me out of her sight.
I made her feel the inconvenience of accompanying me at that moment, and
the necessity of her remaining to take care of my effects and collect my
money. When an order is made to arrest a man, it is customary to seize
his papers and put a seal upon his effects, or to make an inventory of
them and appoint a guardian to whose care they are intrusted. It was
necessary Theresa should remain to observe what passed, and get
everything settled in the most advantageous manner possible. I promised
her she should shortly come to me; the marechal confirmed my promise;
but I did not choose to tell her to what place I was going, that, in case
of being interrogated by the persons who came to take me into custody,
she might with truth plead ignorance upon that head. In embracing her
the moment before we separated I felt within me a most extraordinary
emotion, and I said to her with an agitation which, alas! was but too
prophetic: "My dear girl, you must arm yourself with courage. You have
partaken of my prosperity; it now remains to you, since you have chosen
it, to partake of my misery. Expect nothing in future but insult and
calamity in following me. The destiny begun for me by this melancholy
day will pursue me until my latest hour."

I had now nothing to think of but my departure. The officers were to
arrive at ten o'clock. It was four in the afternoon when I set off, and
they were not yet come. It was determined I should take post. I had no
carriage, The marechal made me a present of a cabriolet, and lent me
horses and a postillion the first stage, where, in consequence of the
measures he had taken, I had no difficulty in procuring others.

As I had not dined at table, nor made my appearance in the castle, the
ladies came to bid me adieu in the entresol where I had passed the day.
Madam de Luxembourg embraced me several times with a melancholy air;
but I did not in these embraces feel the pressing I had done in those she
had lavished upon me two or three years before. Madam de Boufflers also
embraced me, and said to me many civil things. An embrace which
surprised me more than all the rest had done was one from Madam de
Mirepoix, for she also was at the castle. Madam la Marechale de Mirepoix
is a person extremely cold, decent, and reserved, and did not, at least
as she appeared to me, seem quite exempt from the natural haughtiness of
the house of Lorraine. She had never shown me much attention. Whether,
flattered by an honor I had not expected, I endeavored to enhance the
value of it; or that there really was in the embrace a little of that
commiseration natural to generous hearts, I found in her manner and look
something energetical which penetrated me. I have since that time
frequently thought that, acquainted with my destiny, she could not
refrain from a momentary concern for my fate.

The marechal did not open his mouth; he was as pale as death. He would
absolutely accompany me to the carriage which waited at the watering
place. We crossed the garden without uttering a single word. I had a
key of the park with which I opened the gate, and instead of putting it
again into my pocket, I held it out to the marechal without saying a
word. He took it with a vivacity which surprised me, and which has since
frequently intruded itself upon my thoughts.

I have not in my whole life had a more bitter moment than that of this
separation. Our embrace was long and silent: we both felt that this was
our last adieu.

Between Barre and Montmorency I met, in a hired carriage, four men in
black, who saluted me smilingly. According to what Theresa has since
told me of the officers of justice, the hour of their arrival and their
manner of behavior, I have no doubt, that they were the persons I met,
especially as the order to arrest me, instead of being made out at seven
o'clock, as I had been told it would, had not been given till noon. I
had to go through Paris. A person in a cabriolet is not much concealed.
I saw several persons in the streets who saluted me with an air of
familiarity but I did not know one of them. The same evening I changed
my route to pass Villeroy. At Lyons the couriers were conducted to the
commandant. This might have been embarrassing to a man unwilling either
to lie or change his name. I went with a letter from Madam de Luxembourg
to beg M. de Villeroy would spare me this disagreeable ceremony. M. de
Villeroy gave me a letter of which I made no use, because I did not go
through Lyons. This letter still remains sealed up amongst my papers.
The duke pressed me to sleep at Villeroy, but I preferred returning to
the great road, which I did, and travelled two more stages the same
evening.

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