Book: The Satyricon, Volume 5 (Crotona Affairs)
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Petronius Arbiter >> The Satyricon, Volume 5 (Crotona Affairs)
THE SATYRICON OF
PETRONIUS ARBITER
Complete and unexpurgated translation by W. C. Firebaugh,
in which are incorporated the forgeries of Nodot and Marchena,
and the readings introduced into the text by De Salas.
BRACKET CODE:
(Forgeries of Nodot)
[Forgeries of Marchena]
{Additions of De Salas}
DW
VOLUME 5.--AFFAIRS AT CROTONA
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIFTH.
For a long time affairs at Crotona ran along in this manner and Eumolpus,
flushed with success so far forgot the former state of his fortunes that
he even bragged to his followers that no one could hold out against any
wish of his, and that any member of his suite who committed a crime
in that city would, through the influence of his friends, get off
unpunished. But, although I daily crammed my bloated carcass to
overflowing with good things, and began more and more to believe that
Fortune had turned away her face from keeping watch upon me, I frequently
meditated, nevertheless, upon my present state and upon its cause.
"Suppose," thought I, "some wily legacy hunter should dispatch an agent
to Africa and catch us in our lie? Or even suppose the hireling servant,
glutted with prosperity, should tip off his cronies or give the whole
scheme away out of spite? There would be nothing for it but flight and,
in a fresh state of destitution, a recalling of poverty which had been
driven off. Gods and goddesses, how ill it fares with those living
outside the law; they are always on the lookout for what is coming to
them!" (Turning these possibilities over in my mind I left the house, in
a state of black melancholy, hoping to revive my spirits in the fresh
air, but scarcely had I set foot upon the public promenade when a girl,
by no means homely, met me, and, calling me Polyaenos, the name I had
assumed since my metamorphosis, informed me that her mistress desired
leave to speak with me. "You must be mistaken," I answered, in
confusion, "I am only a servant and a stranger, and am by no means worthy
of such an honor.")
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SIXTH.
("You yourself," she replied, "are the one to whom I was sent but,)
because you are well aware of your good looks, you are proud and sell
your favors instead of giving them. What else can those wavy well-combed
locks mean or that face, rouged and covered with cosmetics, or that
languishing, wanton expression in your eyes? Why that gait, so precise
that not a footstep deviates from its place, unless you wish to show off
your figure in order to sell your favors? Look at me, I know nothing
about omens and I don't study the heavens like the astrologers, but I can
read men's intentions in their faces and I know what a flirt is after
when I see him out for a stroll; so if you'll sell us what I want there's
a buyer ready, but if you will do the graceful thing and lend, let us be
under obligations to you for the favor. And as for your confession that
you are only a common servant, by that you only fan the passion of the
lady who burns for you, for some women will only kindle for canaille and
cannot work up an appetite unless they see some slave or runner with his
clothing girded up: a gladiator arouses one, or a mule-driver all covered
with dust, or some actor posturing in some exhibition on the stage. My
mistress belongs to this class, she jumps the fourteen rows from the
stage to the gallery and looks for a lover among the gallery gods at the
back." Puffed up with this delightful chatter. "Come now, confess, won't
you," I queried, "is this lady who loves me yourself?" The waiting maid
smiled broadly at this blunt speech. "Don't have such a high opinion of
yourself," said she, "I've never given in to any servant yet; the gods
forbid that I should ever throw my arms around a gallows-bird. Let the
married women see to that and kiss the marks of the scourge if they like:
I'll sit upon nothing below a knight, even if I am only a servant." I
could not help marveling, for my part, at such discordant passions, and I
thought it nothing short of a miracle that this servant should possess
the hauteur of the mistress and the mistress the low tastes of the wench!
Each one will find what suits his taste, one thing is not for all,
One gathers roses as his share, another thorns enthrall.
After a little more teasing, I requested the maid to conduct her mistress
to a clump of plane trees. Pleased with this plan, the girl picked up
the skirt of her garment and turned into a laurel grove that bordered the
path. After a short delay she brought her mistress from her hiding-place
and conducted her to my side; a woman more perfect than any statue.
There are no words with which to describe her form and anything I could
say would fall far short. Her hair, naturally wavy, flowed completely
over her shoulders; her forehead was low and the roots of her hair were
brushed back from it; her eyebrows, running from the very springs of her
cheeks, almost met at the boundary line between a pair of eyes brighter
than stars shining in a moonless night; her nose was slightly aquiline
and her mouth was such an one as Praxiteles dreamed Diana had. Her chin,
her neck, her hands, the gleaming whiteness of her feet under a slender
band of gold; she turned Parian marble dull! Then, for the first time,
Doris' tried lover thought lightly of Doris!
Oh Jove, what's come to pass that thou, thine armor cast away
Art mute in heaven; and but an idle tale?
At such a time the horns should sprout, the raging bull hold sway,
Or they white hair beneath swan's down conceal
Here's Dana's self! But touch that lovely form
Thy limbs will melt beneath thy passions' storm!
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVENTH.
She was delighted and so be witchingly did she smile that I seemed to see
the full moon showing her face from behind a cloud. Then, punctuating
her words with her fingers, "Dear boy, if you are not too critical to
enjoy a woman of wealth who has but this year known her first man, I
offer you a sister," said she. "You have a brother already, I know, for
I didn't disdain to ask, but what is to prevent your adopting a sister,
too? I will come in on the same footing only deem my kisses worthy of
recognition and caress me at your own pleasure!" "Rather let me implore
you by your beauty," I replied. "Do not scorn to admit an alien among
your worshipers: If you permit me to kneel before your shrine you will
find me a true votary and, that you may not think I approach this temple
of love without a gift, I make you a present of my brother!" "What," she
exclaimed, "would you really sacrifice the only one without whom you
could not live'? The one upon whose kisses your happiness depends. Him
whom you love as I would have you love me?" Such sweetness permeated her
voice as she said this, so entrancing was the sound upon the listening
air that you would have believed the Sirens' harmonies were floating in
the breeze. I was struck with wonder and dazzled by I know not what
light that shone upon me, brighter than the whole heaven, but I made
bold to inquire the name of my divinity. "Why, didn't my maid tell you
that I am called Circe?" she replied. "But I am not the sun-child nor
has my mother ever stayed the revolving world in its course at her
pleasure; but if the Fates bring us two together I will owe heaven a
favor. I don't know what it is, but some god's silent purpose is beneath
this. Circe loves not Polyaenos without some reason; a great torch is
always flaming when these names meet! Take me in your arms then, if you
will; there's no prying stranger to fear, and your 'brother' is far away
from this spot!" So saying, Circe clasped me in arms that were softer
than down and drew me to the ground which was covered with colored
flowers.
With flowers like these did Mother Earth great Ida's summit strew
When Jupiter, his heart aflame, enjoyed his lawful love;
There glowed the rose, the flowering rush, the violet's deep blue,
From out green meadows snow-white lilies laughed. Then from above,
This setting summoned Venus to the green and tender sod,
Bright day smiled kindly on the secret amour of the God.
Side by side upon the grassy plot we lay, exchanging a thousand kisses,
the prelude to more poignant pleasure, (but alas! My sudden loss of
vigor disappointed Circe!)
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-EIGHT.
(Infuriated at this affront,) "What's the matter," demanded she; "do my
kisses offend you? Is my breath fetid from fasting? Is there any evil
smelling perspiration in my armpits? Or, if it's nothing of this kind,
are you afraid of Giton?" Under her eyes, I flushed hotly and, if I had
any virility left, I lost it then; my whole body seemed to be inert. "My
queen," I cried, "do not mock me in my humiliation. I am bewitched!"
(Circe's anger was far from being appeased by such a trivial excuse;
turning her eyes contemptuously away from me, she looked at her maid,)
"Tell me, Chrysis, and tell me truly, is there anything repulsive about
me? Anything sluttish? Have I some natural blemish that disfigures my
beauty? Don't deceive your mistress! I don't know what's the matter
with us, but there must be something!" Then she snatched a mirror from
the silent maid and after scrutinizing all the looks and smiles which
pass between lovers, she shook out her wrinkled earth-stained robe and
flounced off into the temple of Venus (nearby.) And here was I, like a
convicted criminal who had seen some horrible nightmare, asking myself
whether the pleasure out of which I had been cheated was a reality or
only a dream.
As when, in the sleep-bringing night
Dreams sport with the wandering eyes,
And earth, spaded up, yields to light
Her gold that by day she denies,
The stealthy hand snatches the spoils;
The face with cold sweat is suffused
And Fear grips him tight in her toils
Lest robbers the secret have used
And shake out the gold from his breast.
But, when they depart from his brain,
These enchantments by which he's obsessed,
And Truth comes again with her train
Restoring perspective and pain,
The phantasm lives to the last,
The mind dwells with shades of the past.
(The misfortune seemed to me a dream, but I imagined that I must surely
be under a spell of enchantment and, for a long time, I was so devoid of
strength that I could not get to my feet. But finally my mental
depression began to abate, little by little my strength came back to me,
and I returned home: arrived there, I feigned illness and threw myself
upon my couch. A little late: Giton, who had heard of my indisposition,
entered the room in some concern. As I wished to relieve his mind I
informed him that I had merely sought my pallet to take a rest, telling
him much other gossip but not a word about my mishap as I stood in great
fear of his jealousy and, to lull any suspicion which he might entertain,
I drew him to my side and endeavoured to give him some proofs of my love
but all my panting and sweating were in vain. He jumped up in a rage and
accused my lack of virility and change of heart, declaring that he had
for a long time suspected that I had been expending my vigor and breath
elsewhere. "No! No! Darling," I replied, "my love for you has always
been the same, but reason prevails now over love and wantonness.") "And
for the Socratic continence of your love, I thank you in his name," (he
replied sarcastically,) "Alcibiades was never more spotless when he left
his master's bed!"
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-NINTH.
"Believe me, 'brother,' when I tell you that I do not know whether I am a
man or not," (I vainly protested;) "I do not feel like one, if I am!
Dead and buried lies that part in which I was once an Achilles!" (Giton,
seeing that I was completely enervated, and) fearing that it might give
cause for scandal if he were caught in this quiet place with me, tore
himself away and fled into an inner part of the house. (He had just gone
when) Chrysis entered the room and handed me her mistress's tablets, in
which were written the following words:
CIRCE TO POLYIENOS-GREETING.
Were I a wanton, I should complain of my disappointment, but as it
is I am beholden to your impotence, for by it I dallied the longer
in the shadow of pleasure. Still, I would like to know how you are
and whether you got home upon your own legs, for the doctors say
that one cannot walk without nerves! Young man, I advise you to
beware of paralysis for I never in my life saw a patient in such
great danger; you're as good as dead, I'm sure! What if the same
numbness should attack your hands and knees? You would have to send
for the funeral trumpeters! Still, even if I have been affronted,
I will not begrudge a prescription to one as sick as you! Ask Giton
if you would like to recover. I am sure you will get back your
strength if you will sleep without your "brother" for three nights.
So far as I am concerned, I am not in the least alarmed about
finding someone to whom I shall be as pleasing as I was to you; my
mirror and my reputation do not lie.
Farewell (if you can).
"Such things will happen," said Chrysis, when she saw that I had read
through the entire inditement, "and especially in this city, where the
women can lure the moon from the sky! But we'll find a cure for your
trouble. Just return a diplomatic answer to my mistress and restore her
self-esteem by frank courtesy for, truth to tell, she has never been
herself from the minute she received that affront." I gladly followed
the maid's advice and wrote upon the tablets as follows:
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTIETH.
POLYAENOS TO CIRCE--GREETING.
Dear lady, I confess that I have often given cause for offense, for
I am only a man, and a young one, too, but I never committed a
deadly crime until today! You have my confession of guilt, I
deserve any punishment you may see fit to prescribe. I betrayed a
trust, I murdered a man, I violated a temple: demand my punishment
for these crimes. Should it be your pleasure to slay me I will come
to you with my sword; if you are content with a flogging I will run
naked to my mistress; only bear in mind that it was not myself but
my tools that failed me. I was a soldier, and ready, but I had no
arms. What threw me into such disorder I do not know, perhaps my
imagination outran my lagging body, by aspiring to too much it is
likely that I spent my pleasure in delay; I cannot imagine what the
trouble was. You bid me beware of paralysis; as if a disease which
prevented my enjoying you could grow worse! But my apology amounts
briefly to this; if you will grant me an opportunity of repairing my
fault, I will give you satisfaction.
Farewell
After dismissing Chrysis with these fair promises, I paid careful
attention to my body which had so evilly served me and, omitting the
bath, I annointed myself, in moderation, with unguents and placed myself
upon a more strengthening diet such as onions and snail's heads without
condiments, and I also drank more sparingly of wine; then, taking a short
walk before settling down to sleep, I went to bed without Giton. So
anxious was I to please her that I feared the outcome if my "brother" lay
tickling my side.
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIRST.
Finding myself vigorous in mind and body when I arose next morning, I
went down to the same clump of plane trees, though I dreaded the spot as
one of evil omen, and commenced to wait for Chrysis to lead me on my way.
I took a short stroll and had just seated myself where I had sat the day
before, when she came under the trees, leading a little old woman by the
hand. "Well, Mr. Squeamish," she chirped, when she had greeted me, "have
you recovered your appetite?" In the meantime, the old hag:
A wine-soaked crone with twitching lips
brought out a twisted hank of different colored yarns and put it about my
neck; she then kneaded dust and spittle and, dipping her middle finger
into the mixture, she crossed my forehead with it, in spite of my
protests.
As long as life remains, there's hope;
Thou rustic God, oh hear our prayer,
Great Priapus, I thee invoke,
Temper our arms to dare!
When she had made an end of this incantation she ordered me to spit three
times, and three times to drop stones into my bosom, each stone she
wrapped up in purple after she had muttered charms over it; then,
directing her hands to my privates, she commenced to try out my virility.
Quicker than thought the nerves responded to the summons, filling the
crone's hand with an enormous erection! Skipping for joy, "Look,
Chrysis, look," she cried out, "see what a hare I've started, for someone
else to course!" (This done, the old lady handed me over to Chrysis, who
was greatly delighted at the recovery of her mistress's treasure; she
hastily conducted me straight to the latter, introducing me into a lovely
nook that nature had furnished with everything which could delight the
eye.)
Shorn of its top, the swaying pine here casts a
summer shade
And quivering cypress, and the stately plane
And berry-laden laurel. A brook's wimpling waters strayed
Lashed into foam, but dancing on again
And rolling pebbles in their chattering flow.
'Twas Love's own nook,
As forest nightingale and urban Procne undertook
To bear true witness; hovering, the gleaming grass above
And tender violets; wooing with song, their stolen love.
Fanning herself with a branch of flowering myrtle, she lay, stretched out
with her marble neck resting upon a golden cushion. When she caught
sight of me she blushed faintly; she recalled yesterday's affront, I
suppose. At her invitation, I sat down by her side, as soon as the
others had gone; whereupon she put the branch of myrtle over my face and
emboldened, as if a wall had been raised between us, "Well, Mr.
Paralytic," she teased, "have you brought all of yourself along today?"
"Why ask me," I replied, "why not try me instead?" and throwing myself
bodily into her arms, I revelled in her kisses with no witchcraft to stop
me.
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SECOND.
The loveliness of her form drew me to her and summoned me to love. Our
lips were pressed together in a torrent of smacking kisses, our groping
hands had discovered every trick of excitation, and our bodies, clasped
in a mutual embrace, had fused our souls into one, (and then, in the very
midst of these ravishing preliminaries my nerves again played me false
and I was unable to last until the instant of supreme bliss.) Lashed to
fury by these inexcusable affronts, the lady at last ran to avenge
herself and, calling her house servants, she gave orders for me to be
hoisted upon their shoulders and flogged; then, still unsatisfied with
the drastic punishment she had inflicted upon me, she called all the
spinning women and scrubbing wenches in the house and ordered them to
spit upon me. I covered my face with my hands but I uttered no complaint
as I well knew what I deserved and, overwhelmed with blows and spittle, I
was driven from the house. Proselenos was kicked out too, Chrysis was
beaten, and all the slaves grumbled among themselves and wondered what
had upset their mistress's good humor. I took heart after having given
some thought to my misfortunes and, artfully concealing the marks of the
blows for fear that Eumolpus would make merry over my mishaps or, worse
yet, that Giton might be saddened by my disgrace, I did the only thing I
could do to save my self-respect, I pretended that I was sick and went to
bed. There, I turned the full fury of my resentment against that
recreant which had been the sole cause of all the evil accidents which
had befallen me.
Three times I grasped the two-edged blade
The recreant to cut away;
Three times by Fear my hand was stayed
And palsied Terror said me nay
That which I might have done before
'Twas now impossible to do;
For, cold with Fear, the wretch withdrew
Into a thousand-wrinkled mare,
And shrank in shame before my gaze
Nor would his head uncover more.
But though the scamp in terror skulked,
With words I flayed him as he sulked.
Raising myself upon my elbow I rebuked the shirker in some such terms as
these: "What have you to say for yourself, you disgrace to gods and men,"
I demanded, "for your name must never be mentioned among refined people.
Did I deserve to be lifted up to heaven and then dragged down to hell by
you? Was it right for you to slander my flourishing and vigorous years
and land me in the shadows and lassitude of decrepit old age? Give me
some sign, however faint, I beg of you, that you have returned to life!"
I vented my anger in words such as these.
His eyes were fixed, and with averted look
He stood, less moved by any word of mine
Than weeping willows bending o'er a brook
Or drooping poppies as at noon they pine.
When I had made an end of this invective, so out of keeping with good
taste, I began to do penance for my soliloquy and blushed furtively
because I had so far forgotten my modesty as to invoke in words that part
of my body which men of dignity do not even recognize. Then, rubbing my
forehead for a long time, "Why have I committed an indiscretion in
relieving my resentment by natural abuse," I mused, "what does it amount
to? Are we not accustomed to swear at every member of the human body,
the belly, throat, or even the head when it aches, as it often does? Did
not Ulysses wrangle with his own heart? Do not the tragedians 'Damn
their eyes' just as if they could hear?
"Gouty patients swear at their feet, rheumatics at their hands,
blear-eyed
people at their eyes, and do not those who often stub their toes blame
their feet for all their pain?
"Why will our Catos with their frowning brows
Condemn a work of fresh simplicity'?
A cheerful kindness my pure speech endows;
What people do, I write, to my capacity.
For who knows not the pleasures Venus gives?
Who will not in a warm bed tease his members?
Great Epicurus taught a truth that lives;
Love and enjoy life! All the rest is embers.
"Nothing can be more insincere than the silly prejudices of mankind, and
nothing sillier than the morality of bigotry,"
CHAPTER THE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THIRD.
I called Giton when I had finished my meditation: "Tell me, little
brother," I demanded, "tell me, on your honor: Did Ascyltos stay awake
until he had exacted his will of you, the night he stole you away from
me? Or was he content to spend the night like a chaste widow?" Wiping
his eyes the lad, in carefully chosen words took oath that Ascyltos had
used no force against him. (The truth of the matter is, that I was so
distraught with my own misfortunes that I knew not what I was saying.
"Why recall past memories which can only cause pain," said I to myself.
I then directed all my energies towards the recovery of my lost manhood.
To achieve this I was ready even to devote myself to the gods;
accordingly, I went out to invoke the aid of Priapus.) {Putting as good a
face upon the matter as I could} I knelt upon the threshold of his shrine
and invoked the God in the following verses:
"Of Bacchus and the nymphs, companion boon,
Whom fair Dione set o'er forests wide
As God: whom Lesbos and green Thasos own
For deity, whom Lydians, far and wide
Adore through all the seasons of the year;
Whose temple in his own Hypaepa placed,
Thou Dryad's joy and Bacchus', hear my prayer!
To thee I come, by no dark blood disgraced,
No shrine, in wicked lust have I profaned;
When I was poor and worn with want, I sinned
Not by intent, a pauper's sin's not banned
As of another! Unto thee I pray
Lift thou the load from off my tortured mind,
Forgive a light offense! When fortune smiles
I'll not thy glory shun and leave behind
Thy worship! Unto thee, a goat that feels
His primest vigor, father of the flocks
Shall come! And suckling pigs, the tender young
Of some fine grunting sow! New wine, in crocks
Shall foam! Thy grateful praises shall be sung
By youths who thrice shall dance around thy shrine
Happy, in youth and full of this year's wine!"