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"I think I can see him doing it," said Mrs. Mallowe, pensively,
scratching her fox-terrier's ears.

"I was properly impressed. Most properly. I yawned openly.
'Strict supervision, and play them
off one against the other,' said The Mussuck, shoveling down his
ice by tureen/uls, I assure you.
'That, Mrs. Hauksbee, is the secret of our Government.'"

Mrs. Mallowe laughed long and merrily. "And what did you say?"

"Did you ever know me at loss for an answer yet? I said: 'So I have
observed in my dealings with
you.' The Mussuck swelled with pride. He is coming to call on me
to-morrow. The Hawley Boy
is coming too."

"'Strict supervision and play them off one against the other. That,
Mrs. Hauksbee, is the secret
of our Government.' And I dare say if we could get to The
Mussuck's heart, we should find that
he considers himself a man of the world."

"As he is of the other two things. I like The Mussuck, and I won't
have you call him names. He
amuses me."

"He has reformed you, too, by what appears. Explain the interval
of sanity, and hit Tim on the
nose with the paper-cutter, please. That dog is too fond of sugar.
Do you take milk in yours?"

"No, thanks. Folly, I'm wearied of this life. It's hollow."

"Turn religious, then. I always said that Rome would be your
fate."

"Only exchanging half a dozen attach~ in red for one and in black,
and if I fasted, the wrinkles
would come, and never, never go. Has it ever struck you, dear, that
I'm getting old?"

"Thanks for your courtesy. I'll return it. Ye-es we are both not
exactly
-how shall I put it?"

"What we have been. 'I feel it in my hones,' as Mrs. Crossley says.
Polly, I've wasted my life."

"As how?"

"Never mind how. I feel it. I want to be a Power before I die."

"Be a Power then. You've wits enough for anything-and beauty?"

Mrs. Hauksbee pointed a teaspoon
straight at her hostess. "Polly, if you
heap compliments on me like this, I
shall cease to believe that you're a
woman. Tell me how I am to be a
Power."

"Inform The Mussuck that he is the most fascinating and sllmmest
man in Asia, and he'll tell you
anything and everything you please."

"Bother The Mussuck! I mean an intellectual Power~not a
gas-power. Polly, I'm going to start a
salon."

Mrs. Mallowe turned lazily on the sofa and rested her head on her
hand. "Hear the words of the
Preacher, the son of Baruch," she said.

"Will you talk sensibly?"

"I will, dear, for I see that you are going to make a mistake."

"I never made a mistake in my life at least, never one that I
couldn't explain away afterward."

"Going to make a mistake," went on Mrs. Mallowe, composedly.
"It is im

ThE EDUCATION OF OTIS YEERE
180

possible to start a salon in Simla. A bar would be much more to
the point."

"Perhaps, but why? It seems so easy

"Just what makes it so difficult. How many clever women are there
in Simla?"

"Myself and yourself," said Mrs. Hauksbee, without a moment's
hesitation.

"Modest woman! Mrs. Feardon would thank you for that. And
how many clever men?"

"Oh - er - hundreds," said Mrs. Hauksbee, vaguely.

"What a fatal blunder! Not one. They are all bespoke of the
Government. Take my husband, for
instance. Jack was a clever man, though I say so who shouldn't.
Government has eaten him up.
All his ideas and powers of conversation-he really used to be a
good talker, even to his wife, in
the old days-are taken from him by this
-this kitchen-sink of a Government. That's the case with every man
up here who is at work. I
don't suppose a Russian convict under the knout is able to amuse
the rest of his gang; and all our
men-folk here are gilded convicts."

"But there are scores -"I know what you're going to say.
Scores of idle men up on leave. I admit it, but they are all of two
objectionable sets, The
Civilian who'd be de]ightful if he had the military man's
knowledge of the world and style, and
the military man who'd be adorable if lie had the Civilian's
culture."

"Detestable word! Have Civilians culehaw? I never studied the
breed deeply."

"Don't make fun of Jack's service. Yes. They're like the teapoys in
the
Lakka Bazar-good material but not polished. They can't help
themselves, poor dears. A Civilian
only begins to be tolerable after he has knocked about the world
for fifteen years."

"And a military man?"

"When he has had the same amount of service. The young of both
species are horrible. You
would have scores of them in your salon."

"I would notl" said Mrs. Hauksbee, fiercely. "I would tell the
'bearer to darwaza band them. I'd
put their own colonels and commissioners at the door to turn them
away. I'd give them to the
Topsham girl to play with."

"The Topsham girl would be grateful for the gift. But to go back
to the salon. Allowing that you
had gathered all your men and women together, what would you
do with them? Make them
talk? They would all with one accord begin to flirt. Your salon
would become a glorified
Peliti's-a 'Scandal Point' by lamplight."

"There's a certain amount of wisdom in that view."

"There's all the wisdom in the world in it. Surely, twelve Simla
seasons ought to have taught you
that you can't focus anything in India; and a salon, to be any good
at all, must be permanent. In
two seasons your roomful would be scattered all over Asia. We
are only little bits of dirt on the
hillsides-here one day and blown down the khud the next. We have
lost the art of talking-at least
our men have. We have no cohesion"-"George Eliot in the flesh,"
interpolated Mrs. Hauksbee,
wickedly.

"And collectively, my dear scoffer, we, men and women alike,
have ao influence.

100
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING

Come into the veranda and look at the Mall!"

The two looked down on the now rapidly filling road, for all Simla
was abroad to steal a stroll
between a shower and a ~og.

"How do you propose to fix that river? Look! There's The
Mussuck-head of goodness knows
what. He is a power in the land, though he does eat like a
costermonger. There's Colonel Blone,
and General Grucher, and Sir Dugald Delane, and Sir Henry
Haughton, and Mr. Jellalatty. All
Heads of Departments, and all powerful."

"And all my fervent admirers," said Mrs. Hauksbee, piously. "Sir
Henry Haughton raves about
me. But go on."

"One by one, these men are worth something. Collectively, they're
just a mob of Anglo-Indians.
Who cares for what Anglo-Indians say? Your salon won't weld the
Departments together and
make you mistress of India, dear. And these creatures won't talk
administrative 'shop' in a
crowd-your salon-because they are so afraid of the men in the
lower ranks overhearing it. They
have forgotten what of Literature and Art they ever knew, and the
women"-"Can't talk about
anything except the
last Gymkhana, or the sins of their last nurse. I was calling on
Mrs. Derwills this morning."

"You admit that? They can talk to the subalterns though, and the
subalterns can talk to them.
Your salon would suit their views admirably, if you ~espected the
religious prejudices of the
country and provided plenty of kala 'uggahs."

"Plenty of kala juggahs. Oh my poor
little idea! Kala juggal's in a salon! But who made you so awfully
clever?"

"P"rhaps I've tried myself; or perhaps I know a woman who has. I
have preached and expounded
the whole matter and the conclusion thereof"

"You needn't go on. 'Is Vanity.' Polly, I thank you. These vermin
-. Mrs. Hauksbee waved her
hand from the veranda to two men in the crowd below who had
raised their hats to her
-"these vermin shall not rejoice in a new Scandal Point or an extra
Peliti's. I will abandon the
notion of a salon. It did seem so tempting, though. But what shall
I do? I must do something."

"Why? Are not Abana and Pharphar"-"Jack has made you nearly
as bad
as himself! I want to, of course. I'm tired of everything and
everybody, froin a moonlight picnic
at Seepee to the blandishments of The Mussuck."

"Yes-that comes, too, sooner or later, Have you nerve enough to
make your bow yet?"

Mrs. Hauksbee's mouth shut grimly. Then she laughed. "I think I
see myself doing it. Big pink
placards on the Mall: 'Mrs. Hauksbee! Positively her last
appearance on any stage! This is to
give notice!' No more dances; no more rides; no more luncheons;
no more theatricals with
supper to follow; no more sparring with one's dearest, dearest
friend; no more fencing with an
inconvenient man who hasn't wit enough to clothe what he's
pleased to call his sentiments in
passable speech; no more parading of The Mussuck while Mrs.
Tarkass calls all round Simla,
spreading horrible stories about me? No more

ThE EDUCATION OF OTIS VEERE
191

of anything that is thoroughly wearyin~, abominable and
detestable, but, all the same, makes life
worth the having. Yes! I see it all! Don't interrupt, Polly, I'm
inspired. A mauve and white
striped 'cloud' round my excellent shoulders, a seat in the fifth row
of the Gaiety, and both horses
sold. Delightful vision! A comfortable armchair, situated in three
different draughts, at every
ballroom; and nice, large, sensible shoes for all the couples to
stumble over as they go into the
veranda! Then at supper. Can't you imagine the scene? The greedy
mob gone away. Reluctant
subaltern, pink all over like a newly-powdered baby,-they really
ought to tan subalterns before
they are exported, ?olly-sent back by the hostess to do his duty.
Slouches up to me across the
room, tugging at a glove two sizes too large for him-I hate a man
who wears gloves like
overcoats-and trying to look as if he'd thought of it from the first.
'May I ah-have the pleasure 'of
takin' you 'nt' supper?' Then I get up with a hungry smile. Just like
this."

"Lucy, how can you be so absurd?"

"And sweep out on his arm. So! After supper I shall go away
early, you know, because I shall be
afraid of catching cold. No one will look for by 'rickshaw. Mine,
so please you! I shall stand,
always with that mauve and white 'cloud' over my head, while the
wet ~oaks into my dear, old,
venerable feet and Tom swears and shouts for the mem-sahib's
gharri. Then home to bed at
half-past eleven! Truly excellent lif~helped out by the visits of the
l'adri, just fresh from burying
somebody down below there." She pointed through the pines,
toward the Cemetery, and

continued with vigorous dramatic gesture-"Listen! I see it
all~own, down
even to the stays! Such stays! Six-eight a pair, Polly, with red
flannel-or list is it?-that they put
into the tops of those fearful things. I can draw you a picture of
them."

"Lucy, for Heaven's sake, don't go waving your arms about in that
idiotic manner! Recollect,
every one can see you from the Mall."

"Let them see! They'll think I am rehearsing for The Fallen AngeL
Look! There's The Mussuck.
How badly he rides. There!"

She blew a kiss to the venerable Indian administrator with infinite
grace.

"Now," she continued, "he'll be chaffed about that at the Club in
the delicate manner those
brutes of rnen affect, and the Hawley Boy will tell me all about
it-softening the details for fear of
shocking me. That boy is too good to live, Polly. I've serious
thoughts of recommending him to
throw up his Commission and go into the Church. In his present
frame of mind he would obey
me. Happy, happy child."

"Never again," said Mrs. Mallowe, with an affectation of
indignation, "shall you tiffin here! 'Lu
cindy, your behavior is scand'lus.'

"All your fault," retorted Mrs. Hauksbee, "for suggesting such a
thing as my abdication. No!
Jamais-nevaire! I will act, dance, ride, frivol, talk scandal, dine
out, and appropriate the
legitimate captives of any woman I choose until I d-r-r-rop or a
better woman than I put~ me to
shame before all Simla,-and it's dust and ashes in my mouth while
I'm doing it!"

192
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING


Sl'~ ~wept i~o the drawing-room, Mrs. Mallowe followed and put
an arm round her waist.

"I'm not!" said Mrs. Hauksbee, defiantly, rummaging for her
handkerchief. "I've been dining out
the last ten nights, and rehearsing in the afternoon. You'd be tired
yourself. It's only because I'm
tired."

Mrs. Mallowe did not offer Mrs. Hauksbee any pity or ask ner to
lie down, but gave her another
cup of tea, and went on with the talk.

"I've been through that too, dear," she said.

"I remember," said Mrs. Hauksbee, a gleam of fun on her face. "In
'84 wasn't it? You went out a
great deal less next season."

Mrs. Mallowe smiled in a superior and Sphinx4ike fashion.

"I became an Influence," said she.

"Good gracious, child, you didn't join the Theosophists and kiss
Buddha's big toe, did you? I
tried to get into their set once, but they cast me out for a
skeptic-without a chance of improving
my poor little mind, too."

"No, I didn't Theosophilander. Jack says"-"Never mind Jack. What
a husband
says is known before. What did you do?"

"I made a lasting impression."

"So have I-for four months. But that didn't console me in the least.
I hated the man. Wifl you
stop smiling in that inscrutable way and tell me what you mean?"

Mrs. Mallowe told.
* * * * * *

"And-you-mean~to~say that it is absolutely Platonic on both
sides?"

"Absolutely, or I should never have taken it up."

"And his last promotion was due to you?"

Mrs. Mallowe nodded.

"And you warned him against the Topsham girl?"

Another nod.

"And told him of Sir Dugald Delane's private memo about him?"

A third nod.

"Why?"

"What a question to ask a woman! Because it amused me at first. I
am proud of my property
now. If I live he shall continue to be successful. Yes, I will put
him upon the straight road to
Knighthood, and everything else that a man values. The rest
depends upon himself."

"Polly, you are a most extraordinary woman."

"Not in the least. I'm concentrated, that's all. You diffuse yourself,
dear; and though all Simla
knows your skill in managing a team"-"Can't you choose a prettier
word?" "Team, of half a
dozen, from The Mussuck to the Hawley Boy, you gain nothing by
it. Not even amusement."

"And you?"

"Try my recipe. Take a man, not a boy, mind, but an almost
mature, unattached man, and be this
guide, philosopher, and friend. You'll find it the most interesting
occupation that you ever
embarked on. It can be done-you needn't look like that-because
I've done it."

"There's an element of risk about it that makes the notion
attractive. I'll get such a man and say
to him, 'Now, understand that there must be no flirta
THE EDUCATION OF OTIS YEERE

193

tion. Do exactly what I tell you, profit by niy instruction and
counsels, and all will yet be well.' Is
that the idea?"

"More or less," said Mrs. Mallowe with an unfathomable smile.
"But be ~ure he understands."

II


Dribhle-dribble-trickle~trickle

What a lot of raw dust!

My dollie's had an accident

And out came all the sawdust!

-Nursery Rhyme.


So Mrs. Hauksbee, in "The Foundry" which overlooks Simla Mall,
sat at the feet of Mrs.
Mallowe and gathered wisdom. The end of the Conference was
the Great Idea upon which Mrs.
Hauksbee so plumed herself.

"I warn you," said Mrs. Mallowe, beginning to repent of her
suggestion, "that the matter is not
half so easy as it looks. Any woman-even the Top-sham girl-can
catch a man, but very, very few
know how to manage him when caught."

"My child," was the answer, "I've been a female St. Simon Stylites
lookmg down upon men for
thes~these years past. Ask The Mussuck whether I can manage
them."

Mrs. Hauksbee departed humming, "I'll go to him and say to him in
manner most ironical."
Mrs. Mallowe laughed to herself. Then she grew suddenly sober.
"I wonder whether I've done
well in advising that amusement? Lucy's a clever woman, but a
thought too careless."

A week later, the two met at a Monday Pop. "Well?" sa.'d Mrs.
Mallowe.

"I've caught him!" said Mrs. Hauks
bee; her eyes were dancing with merriment.

"Who is it, mad woman? I'm sorry I ever spoke to you about it."

"Look between the pillars. In the third row; fourth from the end.
You can see his face now.
Look!"

"Otis Yeere! Of all the improbable and impossible people! I don't
believ~ you."

"Hsh! Wait till Mrs. Tarkass begins murdering Milton Wellings;
and I'll tell you all about it.
S-s-ss! That woman 5 voice always reminds me of an Underground
train coming into Earl's
Court with the breaks on. Now listen. It is really Otis Yeere."

"So I see, but does it follow that he is your property?"

"He is! By right of trove. I found him, lonely and unbefriended, the
very next night after our talk,
at the Dugald Delane's burra-khana. I liked his eyes, and I talked to
him. Next day he called.
Next day we went for a ride together, and to-day he's tied to my
'rickshaw-wheels hand and foot.
You'll see when the concert's over. He doesn't know I'm here yet."

"Thank goodness you haven't chosen a boy. What are you going to
do with him, assuming that
you've got him?"

"Assuming, indeed! Does a woman-do I-ever make a mistake in
that sort of thing? First"-Mrs.
Hauksbee ticked off the items ostentatiously on her little gloved
fingers-"First, my dear, I shall
dress him properly. At present his raiment is a disgrace, and he
wears a dressshirt like a
crumpled sheet of the Pioneer. Secondly, after I have made him
presentable, ~ ,~hall form his
manners-his morals are above reproach."

1Q4
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING


"You seem to ~a"e discovered a great deal about him considering
the shortness of your
acquaintance."

"Surely you ought to know that the first proof a man gives of his
interest in a woman is by
talking to her about his own sweet self. If the woman listens
without yawning, he begins to like
her. If she flatters the animal's vanity, he ends by adoring her."

"In some cases."

"Never mind the exceptions. I know which one you are thinking of.
Thirdly, and lastly, after he
is polished and made pretty, I shall, as you said, be his guide,
philosopher and friend, and he
shall become a success-as great a success as your friend. I always
wondered how that man got
on. Did The Mussuck come to you with the Civil List and,
dropping on one kne~no, two knees,
a' la Gibbon-hand it to you and say, 'Adorable angel, choose your
friend's a~ pointment'?"

"Lucy, your long experiences of the Military Department bave
demoralized you. One doesn't do
that sort of thing on the Civil Side."

"No disrespect meant to Jack's Service, my dear. I only asked for
information. Give me three
months, and see what changes I shall work in my prey."

"Go your own way since you must. But I'm sorry that I was weak
enough ~o suggest the
amusement."

'I am all discretion, and may be trusted to an in-fin4te extent,' "
quoted Mrs. Hauksbee from The
Fallen Angel; d'nd the conversation ceased with Mrs. Tarkass's
last, long-drawn war-whoop.

Her bitterest enemies-and she had many-could hardly accuse Mrs.
Hauksbee of wasting her tim~
Otis Yzere
was one of those wandering "dumb' characters, foredoomed
through life to be nobody's property.
Ten years in Her Majesty's Bengal Civil Service, spent, for the
most part, in undesirable
Districts, had given him little to be proud of, and nothing to bring
confidence. Old enough to
have lost the first fine careless rapture that showers on the
immature 'Stunt imaginary
Commissioner-ships and Stars, and sends him into the collar with
coltish earnestness and
abandon; too young to be yet able to look back upon the progress
he had made, and thank
Providence that under the conditions of the day he had come even
so far, he stood upon the
dead-centre of his career. And when a man stands still, he feels the
slightest impulse from
without. Fortune had ruled that Otis Yeere should be, for the first
part of his service, one of the
rank and file who are ground up in the wheels of the
Administration; losing heart and soul, and
mind and strength, in the process. Until steam replaces manual
power in the working of the
Empire, there must always be this percentage-must always be the
men who are used up,
expended, in the mere mechanical routine. For these promotion is
far off and the mil?grind of
every day very instant. The Secretariats know them only by name;
they are not the picked men
of the Districts with Divisions and Collectorates awaiting them.
They are simply the rank and
file-the food for fever-sharing with the ryot and the plough-bullock
the honor of being the plinth
on which the State rests. The older ones have lost their
aspirations; the younger are putting
theirs aside with a sigh. Both learn to endure patiently until the
THE EDUCATION OF OTIS YEERE

l0-~

learned what manner 0œ life he had led in what she vaguely called
"those awful cholera
districts"; learned too, but this knowledge came later, what manner
of life he had purposed to
lead and what dreams he had dreamed i. the year of grace '77,
before the reality had knocked the
heart out of him. Very pleasant are the shady bridle-paths round
Prospect Hill for the telling of
such confidences.

"Not yet," said Mrs. Hauksbce to Mrs. Mallowe. "Not yet. I must
wait until the man is properly
dressed, at least. Great Heavens, is it possible that he doesn't know
what an honor it is to be
taken up by Me!"

Mrs. Hauksbee did not reckon false modesty as one of her failings.

"Always with Mrs. Hauksbee!" murmured Mrs. Mallowe, with her
sweetest smile, to Otis. "Oh
you men, you men! Here are our Punjabis growling because you've
monopolized the nicest
woman in Simla. They'll tear you to pieces on the Mall, some day,
Mr. Yeere."

Mrs. Mallowe rattled down-hill, having satisfied herself, by a
glance through the fringe of her
sunshade, of the effect of her words.

The shot went home. Of a surety Otis Yeere was somebody in this
bewildering whirl of
Simla-had monopolixed the nicest woman in it and the Punjabis
were growling. The notion
justified a mild glow of vanity. He had never looked upon his
acquaintance with Mrs. Hauksbee
as a matter for general interest.

The knowledge of envy was a pleas-ant feeling to the man of no
account. It was intensified later
in the day when a luncher at the Club said, spitetully, "~Vell, for a
debilitated Ditcher, Yecre,
"ud uf the day. Twelve years in the rank and file, men say, will
sap the hearts of the bravest and
dull the wits of the most keen.

Out of this life Otis Yeere had fled for a few months; drifting, in
the hope of a little masculine
society, into Simla. When his leave was over he would return to
his swampy, sour-green,
undermanned Bengal district; to the native Assistant, the native
Doctor, the native Magistrate,
the steaming, sweltering Station, the ill-kempt City, and the
undisguised insolence of the
Municipality that babbled away the lives of men. Life was cheap
however. The soil spawned
humanity, as it bred frogs in the Rains, and the gap of the sickness
of one season was filled to
overflowing by the fecundity of the next. Otis was 'infeignedly
thankful to lay down his work
for a little while and escape from the seething, whining, weakly
hive, impotent to help itself, but
strong in its power to cripple, thwart, and annoy the sunken~eyed
man who, by official irony was
said to be "in charge" of it.

* * * *
*

"I knew there were women-dowdies in Bengal. They come up here
sometimes. But I didn't
know that there were men-dowds, too."

Then, for the first time, it occurred to Otis Yeere that his clothes
wore the mark of the ages. It
will be seen that his friendship with Mrs. Hauksbee had made
great strides.

As that lady truthfully says, a man is never so happy as when he is
talking about himself. From
Otis Yeere's lips Mrs. Hauksbee, before long, learned everything
that she wished to know about
the subject of her experiment:

[96
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING

you are going it. Hasn't any kind friend told you that she's the most
dangerous woman in Simla?"

Yeere chuckled and passed out. When, oh when, would his new
clothes be ready? He descended
into the Mall to inquire; and Mrs. Hauksbee, coming over the
Church Ridge in her 'rickshaw,
looked down upon him approvingly. 'He's learning to carry himself
as if

were a man, instead of a piece of furniture,-and," she screwed up
her eyes to see the better
through the sunlight-"he is a man when he holds himself like that.
Oh blessed Conceit, what
should we be without you?"

With the new clothes came a new stock of self-confidence. Otis
Yeere discovered that he could
enter a room without breaking into a gentle perspiration-could
cross one, even to talk to Mrs.
Hauksbee, as though rooms were meant to be crossed. He was for
the first time in nine years
proud of himself, and contented with his life, satisfied with his
new clothes, and rejoicing in the
friendship of Mrs. Hauksbee.

"Conceit is what the poor fellow wants," she said in confidence to
Mrs. Mallowe. "I believe they
must use Civilians to plough the fields with in Lower Bengals. You
see I have to begin from the
very beginning-haven't I? But you'll admit, won't you, dear, that he
is immensely improved since
I took him in hand. Only give me a little more time and he won't
know himself."

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