Book: The Works of Rudyard Kipling One Volume Edition

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Hp. How do you mean?

SItE. That is a part of the punishment. There cannot be perfect
trust between us.

HE. In Heaven's name, why not?

SHE. Hush! The Other Place is quite enough. Ask yourself.

HE. I don't follow.

SHE. You trust me so implicitly that when I look at another man-
Never mind, Guy. Have you
ever made love to a gi4-a good girl?

HE. Something of the sort. Centu
ries ago-in the Dark Ages, before I ever met you, dear.

SHE. Tell me what you said to her.

HE. What does a man say to a girl? I've forgotten.

SHE. I remember. He tells her that he trusts her and worships the
ground she walks on, and that
he'll love and honor and protect her till her dying day; and so she
marries in that belief. At least,
I speak of one girl who was not protected.

HE. Well, and then?

SHE. And then, Guy, and then, that girl needs ten times the love
and trust and honor-yes,
honor-that was enough when she was only a mere wife if-if-the
other life she chooses to lead is
to be made even bearable. Do you understand?

HE. Even bearable! It'll he Paradi se.

SHE. Ah! Can you give me all I've asked for-not now, nor a few
months later, but when you
begin to think of what you might have done if you had kept your
own appointment and your
caste her~when you begin to look upon me as a drag and a burden?
I shall want it most, then,
Guy, for there will be no one in the wide world but you.

HE. You're a little over-tired tonight, Sweetheart, and you're taking
a stage view of the situation.
After the necessary business in the Courts, the road is clear
to-SHE. "The holy state of
matrimony!" Ha! ha! ha!

HE. Ssh! Don't laugh in that horrible way!

SHE. I-I c-c-c-can't help it! Isn't it too absurd! Ah! Ha! ha! ha!
Guy,

A SECOND-RATE WOMAN
219

myself to talk this evening. May I call to-morrow?

SHE. Yes. No! Oh, give me time! rhe day after. I get into my
'rickshaw here and meet Him at
Peliti's. You ride.

HE. I'll go on to Peliti's too. I think
I want a drink. My world's knocked
about my ears and the stars are falling.
Who are those brutes howling in the
Old Library?

SHE. They're rehearsing the singingquadrilles for the Fancy Ball.
Can't you hear Mrs. Buzgago's
voice? She has a solo. It's quite a new idea. Listen.

Mm. BUzGAGO (in the Old Library, con. molt. exp.).

See saw! MargeryDaw!

Sold her bed to lie upon straw.

Wasn't she a silly slut

To sell her bed and lie upon dirt?


Captain Congleton, I'm going to alter that to "flirt." It sound
better.

HE. No, I've changed my mind about the drink. Good-night, ~ttle
lady. I shall see you
to-morrow?

SHE. Ye-es. Good-night, Guy. Don't be angry with me.

HE. Angry! You know I trust you absolutely. Good-night and-God
bless you!

(Three seconds later. Alone.) Hmm! I'd give something to discover
wLether there's another man
at the back of all this.



A ~ond-Rate Woman

fuga, volvitur rota,


On
we drift; where looms the dim port?

~9ne
Two Three Four Five contrihute their quota:


Something ir gained if one caught but the import,
Show it us, Hugues of Saxe-Gotha.

-Ma~ter Hugues of Sare-Gotha.


"DRESSED! Don't tell me that woman ever dressed in her life.
She stood in the middle of her
room while her ayah
-no, her husband-it must have been a nian-threw her clothes at her.
She then did her hair with
her fingers, and rubbed her bonnet in the flue under the bed. I
know she did, as well as if I had
assisted at the orgie. Who is she?" said Mrs. Hauksbee.

"Don't!" said Mrs. Mallowe, feebly.
"You make my head ache. I'm miserable to-day. Stay me with
fondants, comfort me with
chocolates, for I am-Did you bring anything from Peliti's?"

"Questions to begin with. You shall have the sweets when you
have answered them. Who and
what is the creature? There were at least half a dozen men round
her, and she appeared to be
going to sleep in their midst."

"Delville," said Mrs. Mallowe, "'Shady' Delville, to distinguish
her from Mrs. Jim of that ilk.
She dances as untidily as she dresses, I believe, and her husband is
somewhere in Madras. Go
and ca~l, if you are so interested."

'~What have I to do with Shigramitish women? She merely caught
my attention for a minute,
and I wondered at

THE HILL OF ILLUSION
217

~op me quick or I shall-i-i-laugh till we get to the Church.

HE. For goodness' sake, stop! Don't make an exhibition of
yourself. What is the matter with
you?

SHE. N-nothing. I'm better now. HE. That's all right. One
moment, dear. There's a little wisp
of hair got loose from behind your right ear and it's straggling over
your cheek. So!

SHE. Thank'oo. I'm 'fraid my hat's on one side, too.

~IE What do you wear these huge dagger bonnet-skewers for?
They're big enough to kill a man
with.

SHE. Oh! Don't kill me, though. ~~u're sticking it into my head!
Let me do it. You men are so
clumsy.

HE. Have you had many opportunities of comparing us-in this sort
of work?

SHE. Guy, what is my name?

HE. Eh! I don't follow.

SHE. Here's my cardcase. Can y~u read?

HE. Yes. Well?

SHE. Well, that answers your question. You know the other man 5
name. An'. I sufficiently
humbled, or would you like to ask me if there is any one else?

HE. I see now. My darling, I never meant that for an instant. I was
only joking. There! Lucky
there's no one on the road. They'd be scandalized.

SHE. They'll be more scandalized before the end.

HE. Do-on't! I don't like you to talk in that way.

SHE. Unreasonable man! Who asked me to face the situation and
accept it?
-Tell me, do I look like Mrs. Penner? Do I look like a naughty
woman? Swear I don't! Give me
your word of honor,
my honorable friend, that I'm not like Mrs. Buzgago. That's the
way she stands, with her hands
clasped at the back of her head. D'you like that?

HE. Don't be affected.

SHE. I'm not. I'm Mrs. Buzgago. Listen!


Pendant une anne' toute entiere

Le regiment n'a pas r'naru.

Au Ministere de la u,uerre

On le r'porta comme perdu.


On se r'noncait a' r'trouver sa trace,

Q uand un matin subitement,

On le vit r'paraitre sur la ~ace,

L'Colonel toujours en avant.

That's the way she rolls her r's. Am I like her?

HE. No, but I object when you go on like an actress and sing stuff
of that kind. Where in the
world did you pick up the Chanson du Colonel? It isn't a
drawing-room song. It isn't proper.

SHE. Mrs. Buzgago taught it me. She is both drawing-room and
propel, and in another month
she'll shut hei drawing-room to me, and thank God sh~ isn't as
improper as I am. Oh, Guy, Guy!
I wish I was like seme womeu and had no scruples about-what is ic
Keene says?-"Wearing a
corpse's hair and being false to the bread they eat."

HE. I am only a man of limited in telligence, and just now, very
bewildered. When you have
quite finished flashing through all your moods tell me, and I'll try
to understand the last one.

SHE. Moods, Guy! I haven't any. I'm sixteen years old and you're
just twenty, and you've been
waiting for two hours outside the school in the cold. And now I've
met you, and now we'r~

218
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING

walking home together. Does that suit you, My Imperial Majesty?

HE. No. We aren't children. Why can't y~u be rational?

SHE He asks me that when I'm going to ommit suicide for hi~
sake, and, and-I don't want to be
French and rave about my mother, but have I ever told you that I
have a mother, and a brother
who was my pet before I married? He's married now. Can't you
imagine the pleasure that the
news of the elopement will give him? Have you any people at
Home, Guy, to be pleased with
your performances?

HE. One or two. One can't make omelets without breaking eggs.

SHE (slowly). I don't see the necessity-HE. Hah! What do you
mean? SHE. Shall I speak the
truth? HE. Under the circumstances, perhaps it would be as well.

SHE. Guy, I'm afraid.

HE. I thought we'd settled all that. What of?

SHE. Of you.

HE. Oh, damn it all! The old business! This is too had!

SHE. Of you.

HE. And what now?

SHE. What do you think of me?

HE. Beside the question altogether. What do you intend to do?

SHE. I daren't risk it. I'm afraid. If I could only cheat-HE. A in
Buzgago? No, thanks.
That's the one point on which I have any notion of Honor. I won't
eat his salt and steal too. I'll
loot openly or not at all.

SHE. I never meant anything else.

HE. Then, why in the world do you pretend not to be willing to
come?

SHE. It's not pretence, Guy. I am afraid.

HE. Please explain.

SHE. It can't last, Guy. It can't last. You'll get angry, and then
you'll swear, and then you'll get
jealous, and then you'll mistrust me-you do noaeand you yourself
will be the best reason for
doubting. And I-what shall I do? I shall be no better than Mrs.
Buzgago found out-no better than
any one. And you'll know that. Oh, Guy, can't you see?

HE. I see that you are desperately unreasonable, little woman.

SHE. There! The moment I begin to object, you get angry. What
wilJ you do when I am only
your property-stoleii property? It can't be, Guy. It can't he! I
thought it could, but it can't. You'll
get tired of me.

HE. I tell you I shall not. Won't anything make you understand
that?

SHE. There, can't you see? If you speak to me like that now,
you'll call me horrible names later,
if I don't do everything as you like. And if you were cruel to me,
Guy, where should I go-where
should I go? I can't trust you. Oh! I can't trust you!

HE. I suppose I ought to say that I can trust you. I've ample reason.

SHE. Please don't, dear. It hurts as much as if you hit me.

HE. It isn't exactly pleasant for me. SHE. I can't help it. I wish I
were dead! I can't trust you, and
I don't trust myself. Oh, Guy, let it die away and be forgotten!

HE. Too late now. I don't understand you-I won't-and I can't trust

218
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING

walking home together. Does that suit you, My Imperial Majesty?

HE. No. We aren't children. Why can't y~u be rational?

SHE He asks me that when I'm going to ommit suicide for his
sake, and, and-I don't want to be
French and rave about my mother, but have I ever told you that I
have a mother, and a brother
who was my pet before I married? He's married now. Can't you
imagine the pleasure that the
news of the elopement will give him? Have you any people at
Home, Guy, to be pleased with
your performances?

HE. One or two. One can't make omelets without breaking eggs.

SHE (slowly). I don't see the necessity-HE. Hah! What do you
mean? SHE. Shall I speak the
truth? HE. Under the circumstances, perhaps it would be as well.

SHE. Guy, I'm afraid.

HE. I thought we'd settled all that. What of?

SHE. Of you.

HE. Oh, damn it all! The old business! This is too bad!

SHE. Of you.

HE. And what now?

SHE. What do you think of me?

HE. Beside the question altogether. What do you intend to do?

SHE. I daren't risk it. I'm afraid. If I could only cheat-HE. A in
Buzgago? No, thanks.
That's the one point on which I have any notion of Honor. I won't
eat his salt and steal too. I'll
loot openly or not at all.

SHE. I never meant anything else.

HF Then, why in the world do you pretend not to be willing to
come?

SHE. It's not pretence, Guy. I am afraid.

HE. Please explain.

SHE. It can't last, Guy. It can't last. You'll get angry, and then
you'll swear, and then you'll get
jealous, and then you'll mistrust me-you do noaeand you yourself
will be the best reason for
doubting. And I-what shall I do? I shall be no better than Mrs.
Buzgago found out-no better than
any one. And you'll know that. Oh, Guy, can't you see?

HE. I see that you are desperat~y unreasonable, little woman.

SHE. There! The moment I begin to object, you get angry. What
will you do when I am only
your property-stolen property? It can't be, Guy. It can't be! I
thought it could, but it can't. You'll
get tired of me.

HE. I tell you I shall not. Won't anything make you understand
that?

SHE. There, can't you see? If you speak to me like that now,
you'll call me horrible names later,
if I don't do everything as you like. And if you were cruel to me,
Guy, where should I gewhere
should I go? I can't trust you. Oh! I can't trust you!

HE. I suppose I ought to say that I can trust you. I've ample reason.

SHE. Please don't, dear. It hurts as much as if you hit me.

HE. It isn't exactly pleasant for me. SHE. I can't help it. I wish I
were dead! I can't trust you,
and I don't trust myself. Oh, Guy, let it die away and be forgotten!

HE. Too late now. I don't understand you-I won't-and I can't trust

THE HILL OF ILLUSION
217

stop me quick or I shall-l-l-laugh till we get to the Church.

HE. for goodness' sake, stop! Don't make an exhibition of
yourself. What is the matter with you?

SHE. N-nothing. I'm better now.

HE. That's all right. One moment, dear. There's a little wisp of
hair got loose from behind your
right ear and it's straggling over your cheek. So!

SHE. Thank'oo. I'm 'fraid my hat's on one side, too.

~IE. What do you wear these huge dagger bonnet-skewers for?
They're big enough to kill a man
with.

SHE. Oh! Don't kill me, though. ~~u're sticking it into my head!
Let me do it. You men are so
cl"msy.

HE. Have you had many opportunities of comparing us-in this sort
of work?

SHE. Guy, what is my name?

HE. Eh! I don't follow.

SHE. Here's my cardcase. Can y~u read?

HE. Yes. Well?

SHE. Well, that answers your question. You know the other man
5 name. Am I sufficiently
humbled, or would you like to ask me if there is any one else?

HE. I see now. My darling, I never meant that for an instant. I
was only joking. There! Lucky
there's no one on the road. They'd be scandalized.

SHE. They'll be more scandalized before the end.

HE. Do-on't! I don't like you to talk in that way.

SHE. Unreasonable man! Who asked me to face the situation and
accept it? -Tell me, do I look
like Mrs. Penner? Do I look like a naughty woman? Swear I don't!
Give me your word of honor,
my honorable friend, that I'm not like Mrs. Buzgago. That's the
way she stands, with her hands
clasped at the back of her head. D'you like that?

HE. Don't be affected.

SHE. I'm not. I'm Mrs. Buzgago. Listen!

Pendant une anne' toute entiere
Le regiment n'a pas r'paru.
Au Ministere de la "OCrrC
On le r'porta comme perdu.
On se r'noncait a' r'trouver sa trace,
Quand un matin suhitement,
On le vit r'paraitre sur la place,
L'Colonel toujours en avant.

That's the way she rolls her r's. Am I like her?

HE. No, but I object when you go on like an actress and sing stuff
of that kind. Where in the
world did you pick up the Chanson du Colonel? It isn't a
drawing-room song. It isn't proper.

SHE. Mrs. Buzgago taught it me. She is both drawing-room and
proper, and in another month
she'll shut he,' drawing-room to me, and thank God she isn't as
improper as I am. Oh, Guy; Guy!
I wish I was like seme womeu and had no scruples about-what is
i~ Keene says?-'~Wearing a
corpse's hai~ and being false to the bread they eat."

HE. I am only a man of limited in' telligence, and just now, very
bewildered. When you have
quite finished flashing through all your moods tell me, and I'll try
to understand the last one.

SHE. Moods, Guy! I haven't any. I'm sixteen years old and you're
just twenty, and you've been
waiting for two hours outside the school in the cold. And now I've
met you, and now we're
walking home together. Does that suit you, My Imperial
Majesty?+++
HE. No. We aren't children. Why can't you be rational?

SHE He asks me that when I'm going to sommit suicide for his
sake, and, and-I don't want to be
French and rave about my mother, but have I ever told you that I
have a mother, and a brother
who was my pet before I married? He's married now. Can't you
imagine the pleasure that the
news of the elopement will give him? Have you any people at
Home, Guy, to be pleased with
your performances?

HE. One or two. One can't make omelets without breaking eggs.

SHE (slowly). I don't see the necessity-HE. HahI What do you
mean? SHE. Shall I speak the
truth? HE. Under the circumstances, perhaps it would be as well.

SHE. Guy, I'm afraid.

HE. I thought we'd settled all that. What of?

SHE. Of you.

HE. Oh, damn it all! The old business! This is too bad!

SHE. Of you.


HE. And what now?

SHE. What do you think of me?

HE. Beside the question altogether. What do you intend to do?

SHE. I daren't risk it. I'm afraid. If I could only cheat-HE. A Ia
Buzgago? No, thanks.
That's the one point on which I have any notion of Honor. I won't
eat his salt and steal too. I'll
loot openly or not at all.

SHE. I never meant anything else.

HE. Then, why in the world do you pretend not to be willing to
come?

SHE. It's not pretence, Guy. I am afraid.

HE. Please explain.

SHE. It can't last, Guy. It can't last. You'll get angry, and then
you'll swear, and then you'll get
jealous, and then you'll mistrust me-you do no~ and you yourself
wfll be the best reason for
doubting. And I-what shall I do? I shall be no better than Mrs.
Buzgago found out-no better than
any one. And you'll know that. Oh, Guy, can't you see?

HE. I see that you are desperately unreasonable, little woman.

SHE. There! The moment I begin to object, you get angry. What
will you do when I am only
your property-stolen property? It can't be, Guy. It can't be! I
thought it could, but it can't. You'll
get tired of me.

HE. I tell you I shall not. Won't anything make you understand
that?

SHE. There, can't you see? If you speak to me like that now, you'll
call me horrible names later,
if I don't do everything as you like. And if you were cruel to me,
Guy, where should I go~ where
should I go? I can't trust you. Oh! I can't trust you!

HE. I suppose I ought to say that I can trust you. I've ample reason.

SHE, Please don't, dean It hurts as much as if you hit me.

HE. It isn't exactly pleasant for me. SHE. I can't help it. I wish I
were dead! I can't trust you, and
I don't trust myself. Oh, Guy, let it die away and be forgotten!

HE. Too late now. I don't understand you-I won't-and I can't trust

A SECOND-RATE WOMAN
219

myself to talk this evening. May I call to-morrow?

SHE. Yes. No! Oh, give me time! ihe day after. I get into my
'rickshaw here and meet Him at
Peliti's. You ride.

HE. I'll go on to Peliti's too. I think
I want a drink. My world's knocked
about my ears and the stars are falling.
Who are those brutes howling in the
Old Library?

SHE. Tbey're rehearsing the singingquadrilles for the Fancy Ball.
Can't you bear Mrs. Buzgago's
voice? She has a solo. It's quite a new idea. Listen.

MRS. BUZOAGO (in the Old Library, con. molt. exp.).

See saw! MargeryDaw!

Sold her bed to lie upon straw.

Wasn't she a silly slut

To sell her bed and lie upon dirt?


Captain Congleton, I'm going to alter that to "flirt." It sound
better.

HE. No, I've changed my mind about the drink. Good-night, ~ttle
lady. I shall see you
to-morrow?

SHE. Y~es. Good-night, Guy. Don't be angry with me.

HE. Angry! You know I trust you absolutely. Good-night and-God
bless you!

(Three seconds later. Alone.) Hmm! I'd give something to discover
wkether there's another man
at the back of all this.



A ~ond-Rate Woman
lls~ fuga, volvitur rota,


On
we drift; where looms the dim port?

~ne
Two Three Four Five contribute their quota


Something i gained if one caught but the import,
~how it us, Hugues of Saxe-Gotha.

-~Iaster Hugues of Soxe-Go~ha.


"DRESSED! Don't tell me that woman ever dressed in her life.
She stood in the middle of her
room while her ayah
-no, her husband-it must have been a atan-threw her clothes at her.
She then did her hair with
her fingers, and subbed her bonnet in the flue under the bed. I
know she did, as well as if I had
assisted at the orgie. Who is she?" said Mrs. Hauksbee.

"Don't!" said Mrs. Mallowe, feebly.
"You make my head ache. I'm miser-able to-day. Stay me with
fondants, comfort me with
chocolates, for I am-Did you bring anything from Peliti's?"

"Questions to begin with. You shall have the sweets when you
have answered them. Who and
what is the creature? There were at least half a dozen men round
her, and she appeared to be
going to sleep in their midst."

"Delville," said Mrs. Mallowe, "'Shady' Delville, to distinguish
her from Mrs. Jim of that ilk.
She dances as untidily as she dresses, I believe, and her husband is
somewhere in Madras. Go
and ca~, if you are so interested."

"What have I to do with Shigramitish women? She merely caught
my attention for a minute, and
I wondered at
~2O
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING

the attraction that a dowd has for a certain type of man. I expected
to see her walk out of her
clothes-until I looked at her eyes."

"Hooks and eyes, surely," drawled Mrs. Mallowe.

"Don't be clever, Polly. You make my head ache. And round this
hayrick stood a crowd of
men-a positive crowd!"

"Perhaps they also expected"-"Polly, don't be Rabelaisian!"

Mrs. Mallowe curled herself up comfortably on the sofa, and
turned her attention to the sweets.
She and Mrs. Hauksbee shared the same house at Simla; and these
things befell two seasons
after the matter of Otis Yeere, which has been already recorded.

Mrs. Hauksbee stepped into the veranda and looked down upon the
Mall, her forehead
puckered with thought.

"Hah!" said Mrs. Hauksbee, shortly. "Indeed!"

"What is it?" said Mrs. Mallowe, sleepily.

"That dowd and The Dancing Master
-to whom I object."

"Why to The Dancing Master? He is a middle-aged gentleman, of
reprobate and romantic
tendencies, and tries to be a friend of mine."

"Then make up your mind to lose him. Dowds cling by nature, and
I should imagine that this
ani1nal-how terrible her bonnet looks from above !-is specially
clingsome."

"She is welcome to The Dancing
Master so far as I am concerned. I
never could take an interest in a
monotonous liar. The frustrated aim
of his life is to persuade people that he is a bachelor."

"0-oh! I think I've met that sort of man before. And isn't he?"

"No. He confided that to me a few days ago. Ugh! Some men
ought to he killed."

"What happened then?"

"He posed as the horror of horrors-a misunderstood man. Heaven
knows the femme incomfrise is
sad enough and had enough-but the other thing!"

"And so fat too! I should have laughed in his face. Men seldom
confide in me. How is it they
come to you?"

"For the sake of impressing me with their careers in the past.
Protect me from men with
confidences!"

"And yet you encourage them?"

"What can I do? They talk. I listen, and they vow that I am
sympathetic. I know I always profess
astonishment even when the plot is-of the most old possible."

"Yes. Men are so unblushingly explicit if they are once allowed to
talk, whereas women's
confidences are full of reservations and fibs, except"-"When they
go mad and babble of
the Unutterabilities after a week's acquaintance. Really, if you
come to consider, we know a
great deal more of men than of our own sex."

"And the extraordinary thing is that men will never believe it.
They say we are trying to hide
something."

"They are generally doing that on their own account. Alas! These
chocolates pall upon me, and I
haven't eaten more than a dozen. I think I shall go to sleep."

"Then you'll get fat. dear. If yov

A SECOND-RATE WOMAN
221

took more e~ercise and a more intelligent interest in your
neighbors you would~'-"Be as much
loved as Mrs. Hauksbee. You're a darling in many ways and I like
you-you are not a woman's
woman-but why do you trouble your-self about mere human
beings?"

"Because in the absence of angels, who I am sure would be
horribly dull, men and women are
the most fascinating things in the whole wide world, lazy one. I
am interested in The Dowd-I am
interested in The Dancing Master
-I am interested in the Hawley Boy-and I am interested in you."

"Why couple me with the Hawley Boy? He is your property."

"Yes, and in his own guileless speech, I'm making a good thing out
of him. When he is slightly
more reformed, and has passed his Higher Standard, or whatever
the authorities think fit to exact
from him, I shall select a pretty little girl, the Holt girl, I think,
and"-here she waved her hands
airily-" 'whom Mrs. Itauksbee bath joined together let no man put
asunder.' That's all."

"And when you have yoked May Holt with the most notorious
detrimental in Simla, and earned
the undying hatred of Mamma Holt, what will you do with me,
Dispenser of the Destinies of the
Universe?"

Mrs. Hauksbee dropped into a low chair in front of the fire, and,
chin in band, gazed long and
steadfastly at Mrs. Mallowe.

'I do not know," she said, shaking her head, "whot I shall do with
you, dear. It's obviously
impossible to marry you to some one els~your husband would
object and the experiment might
not be
successful after all. I think I shall be-gin by preventing you
from-what is it?
-'sleeping on ale-house benches and snoring in the sun.'"

"Don't! I don't like your quotations. They are so rude. Go to the
Library and bring me new
books."

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