Book: The Works of Rudyard Kipling One Volume Edition

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"She does it for my sake," hinted the Virtuous Bent.

"A dangerous and designing woman," purred Mrs. Waddy.

Worst of all, every other hotel in Simla was full!

*
*
*
*
*
*

"Polly, are you afraid of diphtheria?"

"Of nothing in the world except smallpox. Diphtheria kills, but it
doesn't disfigure. Why do you
ask?"

"Because th~ Bent baby has got it, and the whole hotel is upside
down in consequence. The
Waddy has 'set her five young on the rail' and fled. The Dancing
Master fears for his precious
throat, and that miserable little woman, his wife, has no notion of
what ought to be done. She
wanted to put it into a mustard bath-for croup!"

"Where did you learn all this?"

"Just now, on the Mall. Dr. Howlen told me. The Manager of the
hotel is abusing the Bents, and
the Bents are abusing the manager. They are a feckless couple."

"Well. What's on your mind?"

"This; and I know it's a grave thing to ask. Would you seriously
object to my bringing the child
over here, with its mother?"

"On the most strict understanding
that we see nothing of The Dancing Master."

"He will be only too glad to stay away. Polly, you're an angel. The
woman really is at her wits'
end."

"And you know nothing about her. careless, and would hold her up
to public scorn if it gave you
a minute's amusement. Therefore you risk your life for the sake of
her brat. No, Loo I'm not the
angel. I shall keep to my rooms and avoid her. But do as you
pleas~only tell me why you do it."

Mrs. Hauksbee's eyes softened; she looked out of the window and
back into Mrs. Mallowe's face.

"I don't know," said Mrs. Hauksbee, simply.

"You dear!"

"Polly !-and for aught you knew you might have taken my fringe
off. Never do that again without
warning. Now we'll get the rooms ready. I don't suppose I shall be
allowed to circulate in society
for a month."

"And I also. Thank goodness I shall at last get all the sleep I want."

Much to Mrs. Bent's surprise she and the baby were brought over
to the house almost before she
knew where she was. Bent was devoutly and undisguisedly
thankful, for he was afraid of the
infection, and also hoped that a few weeks in the hotel alone with
Mrs. Del. ville might lead to
explanations. Mrs. Bent had thrown her jealousy to the winds in
her fear for her child's life.

"We can give you good milk," sai~ Mrs. Hauksbee to her, "and our
house is much nearer to the
Doctor's than th,'. hotel, and you won't feel as though you were
living in a hostile camp Where is
the dear Mrs. Waddy? Sh~

A SECOND-RATE WOMAN
22~

seemed to be a particular friend of yours."

"They've all left me," said Mrs. Bent, bitterly. "Mrs. Waddy went
first. She said I ought to be
ashamed of myself for introducing diseases there, and I am sure it
wasn't my fault that little
Dora"-"How nice!" cooed Mrs. Hauksbee.
"The Waddy is an infectious disease herself-'more quickly caught
than the plague and the taker
runs presently mad.' I lived next door to her at the Elysium, three
years ago. Now see, you won't
give us the least trouble, and I've ornamented all the house with
sheets soaked in carbolic. It
smells comforting, doesn't it? Remember I'm always m call, and
my ayah's at your service when
yours goes to her meals and-and
-if you cry I'll never forgive you."

Dora Bent occupied her mother's unprofitable attention through the
day and the night. The
Doctor called thrice in the twenty-four hours, and the house reeked
with the smell of the Condy's
Fluid, chlorine-water, and carbolic acid washes. Mrs. Mallowe
kept to her own rooms-she
considered that she had made sufficient concessions in the cause
of humanity-and Mrs.
Hauksbee was more esteemed by the Doctor as a help in the
sick-room than the half-distraught
mother.

"I know nothing of illness," said Mrs. Hauksbee to the Doctor.
"Only tell me what to do, and I'll
do it."

"Keep that crazy woman from kissing the child, and let her have as
little to do with the nursing
as you possibly can," said the Doctor; "I'd turn her out of the
sick-room, but that I honestly
believe she'd die of anxiety. She is less
than no good, and I depend on you and the ayahs, remember."

Mrs. Hauksbee accepted the responsibility, though it painted olive
hollows under her eyes and
forced her to her oldest dresses. Mrs. Bent clung to her with more
than childlike faith.

"I know you'll, make Dora well, won't you?" she said at least
twenty times a day; and twenty
times a day Mrs. Hauksbee answered valiantly, "Of course I will."

But Dora did not improve, and the Doctor seemed to be always in
th~ house.

"There's some danger of the thing taking a bad turn," he said; "I'll
comc over between three and
four in tha morning to-morrow."

"Good gracious!" said Mrs. Hauksbee. "He never told me what the
turn would be! My education
has been horribly neglected; and I have only this foolish
mother-woman to fall back upon."

The night wore through slowly, and Mrs. Hauksbee dozed in a
chair by the fire. There was a
dance at the Viceregal Lodge, and she dreamed of it till she was
aware of Mrs. Bent's anxious
eyes staring into her own.

"Wake up! Wake up! Do something!" cried Mrs. Bent,
piteously. "Dora's choking to death!
Do you mean to let her die?"

Mrs. Hauksbee jumped to her feet and bent over the bed. The child
was fighting for breath,
while the mother wrung her hands despairing.

"Gh, what can I do? What can you do? She won't stay still! I can't
hokI her. Why didn't the
Doctor say this

230
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING

was coming?" screamed Mrs. Bent. "Won't you help me? She's
dying!"

'~I-I've never seen a child die before!" stammered Mrs. Hauksbee,
feebly, and then-let none
blame her weak-ness after the strain of long watching-she broke
down, and covered her face
with her hands. The ayahs on the threshold snored peacefully.

There was a rattle of 'rickshaw wheels below, the clash of an
openirig door, a heavy step on the
stairs, and Mrs. Delville entered to find Mrs. Bent screaming for
the Doctor as she ran round the
room. Mrs. Hauksbee, her hands to her ears, and her face buried in
the chintz of a chair, was
quivering with pain at each cry from the bed, and murmuring,
"Thank God, I never bore a child!
Oh! thank God, I never bore a child!"

Mrs. Delville looked at the bed for an instant, took Mrs. Bent by
the shoulders, and said, quietly,
"Get me some caustic. Be quick."

The mother obeyed mechanically. Mrs. Delville had thrown
herself down by the side of the child
and was opening its mouth.

"Oh, you're killing her!" cried Mrs. Bent. "Wh-.re's the Doctor!
Leave her alone!"

Mrs. Delville made no reply for a minute, but busied herself with
the child.

"Now the caustic, and hold a lamp behind my .',houlder. Will you
do as you are told? The
acid-bottle, if you don't know what I mean," she said.

A second time Mrs. Delville bent over the child. Mrs. Haukshee,
her face still hidden, sobbed
and -hivered. One of
the ayahs staggered sleepily into the room, yawning: "Doctor Sahib
come."

Mrs. Delville turned her head.

"You're only just in time," she said. "It was chokin' her when I
came in, an' I've burned it."

"There was no sign of the membrane getting to the air-passages
after the last steaming. It was the
general weakness, I feared," said the Doctor half to himself, and he
whispered as he looked.
"You've done what I should have bee', afraid to do without
consultation."

"She was dyin'," said Mrs. Delvilie, under her breath. "Can you do
any-thin'? What a mercy it
was I went to the dance!"

Mrs. Hauksbee raised her head.

"Is it all over?" she gasped. "I'm useless-I'm worse than useless!
What are you doing here?"

She stared at Mrs. Delville, and Mrs. Bent, realizing for the first
time who was the Goddess from
the Machine. stared also.

Then Mrs. Delville made explanation, putting on a dirty long glove
and smoothing a crumpled
and ill-fitting ball-dress.

"I was at the dance, an' the Doctor was tellin' me about your baby
bein' so
ill.
So I came away early, an' your door was open, an' I-I~lost my boy
this way six months ago, an'
I've been tryin' to forget it ever since, an' I~I-am very sorry for
intrudin' an' anythin' that has
happened."

Mrs. Bent was putting out the Doctor's eye with a lamp as he
stooped over Dora.

"Take it away," said the Doctor. "I think the child will do, thanks
to you, Mrs. Delville. I should
have come ta~

A SECOND-RATE WOMAN
231

late, but, I assure you"-he was addressing himself to Mrs.
Delville-"I bad not the faintest reason
to expect this. The membrane must have grown like a mushroom.
Will one of you help me,
please?"

He had reason for the last senfence. Mrs. Hauksbee had thrown
herself into Mrs. Delville's arms,
where she was weeping bitterly, and Mrs. Bent was
unpicturesquely mixcd up with both, ~hile
from the tangle came the sound of many sobs and much
promiscuous kissing.

"Good gracious! I've spoilt all your beautiful roses!" said Mrs.
Hauksbee, lifting her head from
the lump of crushed gum and calico atrocities on Mrs. Delville's
shoulder and hurrying to the
Doctor.

Mrs. Delville picked up her shawl, and slouched out of the room,
mopping her eyes with the
glove that she had not put on.

"I always said she was more than a woman," sobbed Mrs.
Hauksbee, hysterically, "and that
proves it!"

*
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*
*
*
*

Six weeks later, Mrs. Bent and Dora had returned to the hotel.
Mrs. Hauksbee had come out of
the Valley of Humiliati~, had ceased to reproach herself for her
collapse in an hour of need, and
was even beginning to direct the affairs of the world as before.

"So nobody died, and everything went ~ff as it should, and I kissed
The Dowd, Polly. I feel so
old. Does it show in my face?"

"Kisses don't as a rule, do they? Of ~ourse you know what the
result of The
Dowd's providential arrival has been."

"They ought to build her a statu~ only no sculptor dare copy those
skirts."

"Ah!" said Mrs. Mallowe, quietly. "She has found another reward.
The Dancing Master has been
smirking through Simla giving every one to understand that she
came becauœe of her undying
love for him-for him-to save his child, and all Simla naturally
believes this."

"But Mrs. Bent"-"Mrs. Bent believes it more than any
one else. She won't speak to The Dowd now. Isn't The Dancing
Master an angel?"

Mrs. Hauksbee lifted up her voice and raged till bedtime. The
doors of the two rooms stood
open.

"Polly," said a voice from the darkness, "what did that
American-heiress-globe-trotter girl say
last season when she was tipped out of her 'rickshaw turning a
corner? Some absurd adjective
that made the man who picked her up explode."

"'Paltry,'" said Mrs. Mallowe. "Through her nos~like this-'Ha-ow
pahltry!'"

"Exactly," said the voice. "Ha-ow pahltry it all is!"

"Which?"

"Everything. Babies, Diphtheria, Mrs. Bent and The Dancing
Master, I whooping in a chair, and
The Dowd dropping in from the clouds. I wonder what the motive
was~ll the motives."


"What do you think?"

"Don't ask me. Go to sleep."
O~ly a S~attern

- . - Not only to enforce by command but to encourage by example
the energetic discharge of
duty and the steady endurance of the difficulties and privations
inseparable from Military
Service.~Bengal Army Regulations.


THEY made Bobby Wick pass an examination at Sandhurst. He
was a gentleman before he was
gazetted, so, when the Empress announced that "Gentleman-Cadet
Robert Hanna Wick" was
posted as Second Lieutenant to the Tyneside Tail Twisters at Kram
Bokhar, he became an
officer and a gentleman, which is an enviable thing; and there was
joy in the house of Wick
where Mamma Wick and all the little ~Ticks fell upon their knees
and offered incense to Bobby
by virtue of his achievements.

Papa Wick had been a Commissioner in his day, holding authority
over three millions of men in
the Chota-Buldana Division, building great works for the good of
the land, and doing his best to
make two blades of grass grow where there was but one before.
Of course, nobody knew
anything about this in the little English village where he was just
'old Mr. Wick" and had
forgotten that he was a Companion of the Order of the Star of
India.

He patted Bobby on the shoulder and said: "Well done, my boy!"

There followed, while the uniform was being prepared, an interval
of pure delight, during which
Bobby took brevet-rank as a "man" at the women~swamped
tennis-parties and tea-fights of the
vil

lage, and, I dare say, had his joining. time been extended, would
have fallen in love with several
girls at once. Little country villages at Home are very full of nice
girls, because all the young
men come out to India to make their fortunes.


"India," said Papa Wick, "is the place. I've had thirty years of it
and, begad, I'd like to go back
again. When you joi~n the Tail Twisters you'l) he among friends,
if every one hasn't forgotten
Wick of Chota-Buldana, and a lot of people will be kind to you for
our sakes. The mother will
tell you more about outfit than I can, but remember this. Stick to
your Regiment, Bohhy~stick to
your Regiment. You'll see men all round you going into the Staff
Corps, and doing every
possible sort of duty but regimental, and you may be tempted to
follow suit. Now so long as you
keep within your allowance, and I haven't stinted you there, stick
to the Line, the whole Line and
nothing but the Line. Be careful how you back another young
fool's bill, and if you fall in love
with a woman twenty years older than yourself, don't tell me about
it, that's all."


With these counsels, and many others equally valuable, did Papa
Wick fortify Bobby ere that last
awful night at Portsmouth when the Officers' Quarters held more
inmates than were provided for
by the Regulations, and the liberty-men of t~e ships fell foul of the
drafts for India, and the battle
raged from the Dockyard Gates even to the slums of
232

ONLY A SUBALTERN
233

Longport, while the drabs of Fratton came down and scratched the
faces of the Queen's Officers.

Bobby Wick, with an ugly bruise on his freckled nose, a sick and
shaky detachment to
manoeuvre inship and the comfort of fifty scornful females to
attend to, had no time to feel
homesick till the Malabar reached mid-Channel, when he doubled
his emotions with a little
guard-visiting and a great many other matters.

The Tail Twisters were a most particujar Regiment. Those who
knew them least said that they
were eaten up with '~side." But their reserve and their internal
arrangements generally were
merely protective diplomacy. Some five years before, the Colonel
commanding had looked into
the fourteen fearless eyes of seven plump and juicy subalterns who
had all applied to enter the
Staff Corps, and had asked them why the three stars should he, a
colonel of the Line, command a
dashed nursery for double-dashed bottle-suckers who put on
condemned tin spurs and rode
qualified mokes at the hiatused heads of forsaken Black
Regiments. He was a rude man and a
terrible. Wherefore the remnant took measures [with the half-butt
as an engine of public
opinion] till the rumor went abroad that young men who used the
Tail Twisters as a crutch to the
Staff Corps, had many and varied trials to endure. However. a
regiment had just as much right
to its own secrets as a woman.

When Bobby came up from Deolali and took his place among the
Tail Twisters, it was gently
hut firmly borne in upon him that the Regiment was his father and
his mother and his
indissolubly wedded wife, and that there was no crime under the
canopy of heaven blacker than
that of bringing shame on the Regiment, which was the
best-shooting, best-drilled, best set-up,
bravest, most illustrious, and in all respects most desirable
Regiment within the compass of the
Seven Seas. He was taught the legends of the Mess Plate from the
great grinning Golden Gods
that had come out of the Summer Palace in Pekin to the
silver-mounted markhorhorn snuff-mull
presented by the last C. 0. [he who spake to the seven subaltems].
And every one of those
legends told him of battles fought at long odds, without fear as
without support; of hospitality
catholic as an Arab's; of friendships deep as the sea and steady as
the fighting-line; of honor won
by hard roads for honor's sake; and of instant and unquestioning
devotion to the Regiment~the
Regiment that claims the lives of all and lives forever.

More than once, too, he came officially into contact with the
Regimental colors, which looked
like the lining of a bricklayer's hat on the end of a chewed stick.
Bobby did not kneel and
worship them, because British subalterns are not constructed in
that manner. Indeed, he
condemned them for their weight at the very moment tnat they
were filling with awe and other
more noble sentiments.

But best of all was the occasion when he moved with the Tail
Twisters, in review order at the
breaking of a November day. Allowing for duty-men and sick, the
Regiment was one thousand
and eighty strong, and Bobby belonged to them; for was be not a
Sub-

234
WOR~S OF RUDYARD KIPLING

altern of the Line- ~he whole Line and nothing but the Line-as the
tramp of two thousand one
hundred and sixty sturdy ammunition boots attested. He would not
have changed places with
Deighton of the Horse Battery, whirling by in a pillar of cloud to a
chorus of "Strong right!
Strong left!" or Hogan-Yale of the White Hussars, leadmg his
squadron for all it was worth, with
the price of horseshoes thrown in; or "Tick" Boileau, trying to live
up to his fierce blue and gold
turban while the wasps of the Bengal Cavalry stretched to a
gallop in the wake of the long,
lollopping Walers of the White Hussars.

They fought through the clear cool day, and Bobby felt a little
thrill run down his spine when he
heard the tinkletinkle-tinkle of the empty cartridge-cases hopping
from the breech-blocks after
the roar of the volleys; for he knew that be should live to hear that
sound in action. The review
ended in a glorious chase across the plain-batteries thundering
after cavalry to the huge disgust
of the White Hussars, and the Tyneside Tail Twisters hunting a
Sikh Regiment, till the lean lathy
Singhs panted with exhaustion. Bobby was dusty and dripping long
before noon, but his
enthusiasm was merely focused-not diminished.

He returned to 5it at the feet of Revere, his "skipper," that is to say,
the Captain of his Company,
and to be instructed in the dark art and mystery of managing men,
which is a very large part of
the Profession of Arms.

"If you haven't a taste that way," said Revere, between his puffs of
his cheroot. "you'll never he
able to get
the hang of it, but remember Bobby, 'tisn't the best drill, though
drill is nearly everything, that
hauls a Regiment through Hell and out on the other side. It's the
man who knows how to handle
men-goat-men, swine-men, dog-men, and so on."

"Dormer, for instance," said Bobby. "I think he comes under the
head of fool-men. He mopes
like a sick owl."

"That's where you make your mistake, my son. Dormer isn't a fool
yet, but he's a dashed dirty
soldier, and his room corporal makes fun of his socks before
kit-inspection. Dormer, being
two-thirds pure brute, goes into a corner and growls."

"How do you know?" said Bobby, admiringly.

"Because a Company commander has to know these
things-because, if he does not know, he may
have crim~ay, murder-brewing under his very nose and yet not see
that it's there. Dormer is
being badgered out of his mind-big as he is-and he hasn't intellect
enough to resent it. He's taken
to quiet boozing and, Bobby, when the butt of a room goes on the
drink, or takes to moping by
himself, measures are necessary to pull him out of himself."

"What measures? 'Man can't run round coddling his men forever."

"No. The men would precious soon show him that he was not
wanted. You've got to"-Here the
Color-sergeant entered with some papers; Bobby reflected for a
while as Revere looked through
the Company forms.

"Does Dormer do anything, Sergeant?" Bobby asked, with the air
of

ONLY A SUBALTERN
235

one continuing an interrupted conversation.

"No, sir. Does 'is dooty like a hortomato," said the Sergeant, wbo
delighted in long words. "A
dirty soldier, and 'e's under full stoppages for new kit. It's covered
with scales, sir."

"Scales? What scales?"

"Fish-scales, sir. 'E's always pokin' in the mud by the river an'
a-cleanin' them muchly- fish with
'is thumbs." Revere was still absorbed in the Company papers, and
the Sergeant, who was sternly
fond of Bobby, continued,-'E generally goes down there when 'e's
got 'is skinful, beggin' youi
pardon, sir, an' they do say that the more lush

in-he-briated 'e is, the more fish 'e catches. They call 'i~ the
Looney Fish-monger in the Comp'ny,
sir."

Revere signed the last paper and the Sergeant retreated.

"It's a filthy amusement," sighed Bobby to himself. Then aloud to
Revere: "Are you really
worried about Dormer?"

"A little. You see he's never mad enough to send to a hospital, or
drunk enough to run in, but at
any minute he may flare up, brooding and sulking as he does. He
resents any interest being
shown in him, and the only time I took him out shooting he all but
shot me by accident."

"I fish," said Bobby, with a wry face. "I hire a country-boat and go
down the river from Thursday
to Sunday, and the amiable Dormer goes with me-if you can spare
us both."

"You blazing young fool!" said Revere, but his heart was full of
much more pleasant words.

Bobby, the Captain of a dhoni, with
Private Dormer for mate, dropped down the river on Thursday
morning-the Private at the bow,
the Subaltern at the helm. The Private glared uneasily at the
Subaltern, who respected the
reserve of the Private.

After six hours, Dormer paced to the stern, saluted, and said-"Beg
y'pardon, sir, but was you ever
on the Durh'm Canal?"

"No," said Bobby Wick. "Come and have some tiffin."

They ate in ~ilence. As the evening fell, Private Dormer broke
forth, speaking to himself-"Hi
was on the Durh'm Canal, jes'
such a night, come next week twelve month, a-trailin' of my toes in
the water." He smoked and
said no more till bedtime.

The witchery of the dawn turned the grey river-reaches to purple,
gold, and opal; and it was as
though the lumbering dhoni crept across the splendors of a new
heaven.

Private Dormer popped his head out of his blanket and gazed at the
glory below and around.

"Well-damn-my eyes!" said Private Dormer, in an awed whisper.
"This 'ere is like a bloomin'
gallantry-show!" For the rest of the day he was dumb, but achieved
an ensanguined filthiness
through the cleaning of big fish.

The boat returned on Saturday evefling. Dormer had been
struggling with speech since noon As
the lines and luggage were being disembarked, he found tongue.

"Beg y'pardon~ sir," he said, "but would you-would you mm'
shakin' 'ands with me, sir?"

"Of cnurse not," said Bobby, and he

236
WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING

shook accordingly. Dormer returned to barracks and Bobby to
mess.

"He wanted a little quiet and some fishing, I think," said Bobby.
"My aunt, but he's a filthy sort
of animal! Have you ever seen him clean 'them, muchlyfish with
'is thumbs'?"

"Anyhow," said Revere, three weeks later, "he's doing his best to
keep his things clean."

When the spring died, Bobby joined in the general scramble for
Hill leave, and to his surprise
and delight secured three months.

"As good a boy as I want," said Revere, the admiring skipper.

"The best of the batch," said the Adjutant to the Colonel. "Keep
back that young skrim-shanker
Porkiss, sir, and let Revere make him sit up."

So Bobby departed joyously to Simla Pahar with a tin box of
gorgeous raiment.

'Son of Wick-old Wick of ChotaBuldana? Ask him to dinner,
dear," said the aged men.

"What a nice boy!" said the matrons and the maids.

"First-class place, Simla. Oh, ri-ippmg!" said Bobby Wick, and
ordered new white cord breeches
on the strength of it.

"We're in a had way," wrote Revere to Bobby at the end of two
months. "Since you left, the
Regiment has taken to fever and is fairly rotten with it-two
hundred in hospital, about a hundred
in cells-drinking to keep off fever
-and the Companies on parade fifteen file strong at the outside.
There's rather more sickness in
the out-villages than I care for, hut then I'm so blistered with
Erickly-heat that I'm eady to hang
my-
self. What's the yarn about your mashing a Miss Haverley up
there? Not serious, I hope? You're
over~young to hang millstones round your neck, and the Colonel
will turf you out of that in
double-quick time if you attempt it."

It was not the Colonel that brought Bobby out of Simla, but a
much more to be respected
Commandant. The sick ness in the out-villages spr~ad, the Bazar
was put out of bounds, and
then came the news that the Tail Twisters must go into camp. The
message flashed to the Hill
stations.-"Cbolera~Leave stopped-Officers recalled." Alas, for the
white gloves in the neatly
soldered boxes, the rides and the dances and picnics that were to
he, the loves half spoken, and
the debts unpaid! Without demur and without question, fast as
tongue could fly or pony gallop,
hack to their Regiments and their Batteries, as though they were
hastening to their weddings,
fled the subalterns.

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