Book: Sonny, A Christmas Guest

R >> Ruth McEnery Stuart >> Sonny, A Christmas Guest




I noticed, ez he set there that day, thet he begin to look toler'ble
solemn, for a festival, but it never crossed my mind what he was
a-projeckin' to do. Ef I had 'a' suspicioned it, I'm afeered I would've
opposed it, I'd 'a' been so skeert he wouldn't come out all right; an'
ez I said, I didn't see, for the life o' me, how he was goin' to work
it.

That is the only school in the county thet he ain't never went to,
'cause it was started after he had settled down to Miss Phoebe's school.
He wouldn't hardly 'v went to it, nohow, though--less'n, of co'se, he 'd
'a' took a notion. Th' ain't no 'casion to send him to a county school
when he's the only one we've got to edjercate. They ain't been a thing
I've enjoyed ez much in my life ez my sackerfices on account o' Sonny's
edjercation--not a one. Th' ain't a patch on any ol' coat I've got but
seems to me to stand for some advantage to him.

Well, sir, it was thess like I'm a-tellin' you. He set still ez long ez
he could, an' then he riz an' spoke. Says he, "I have decided thet I'd
like to do a little gradj'atin' this evenin' myself," thess that a-way.

An' when he spoke them words, for about a minute you could 'a' heerd a
pin drop; an' then eve'ybody begin a-screechin' with laughter. A person
would think thet they'd 'a' had some consideration for a child standin'
up in the midst o' sech a getherin', tryin' to take his own part; but
they didn't. They thess laughed immod'rate. But they didn't faze him.
He had took his station on the flo', an' he helt his ground.

Thess ez soon ez he could git a heerin', why, he says, says he: "I don't
want anybody to think thet I'm a-tryin' to take any advantage. I don't
expec' to gradj'ate without passin' my examination. An', mo' 'n that,"
says he, "I am ready to pass it now." An' then he went on to explain
thet he would like to have anybody present _thet was competent to do it_
to step forward an' examine him--then an' there. An' he said thet ef he
was examined fair and square, to the satisfaction of eve'ybody--_an'
didn't pass_--why, he 'd give up the p'int. An' he wanted to be examined
oral--in eve'ybody's hearin'--free-handed an' outspoke.


[Illustration: "Any question he missed was to be passed on to them thet
had been grad'jatin' so fast."]


Well, sir, seem like folks begin to see a little fun ahead in lettin'
him try it--which I don't see thess how they could 'a' hindered him,
an' it a free school, an' me a taxpayer. But they all seemed to be in a
pretty good humor by this time, an' when Sonny put it to vote, why, they
voted unanymous to let him try it. An' all o' them unanymous votes
wasn't, to say, friendly, neither. Heap o' them thet was loudest in
their unanimosity was hopefully expectin' to see him whipped out at the
first question. Tell the truth, I mo' 'n half feared to see it myself.
I was that skeert I was fairly all of a trimble.

Well, when they had done votin', Sonny, after first thankin' 'em,--which
I think was a mighty polite thing to do, an' they full o' the giggles at
his little expense that minute,--why, he went on to say thet he requie'd
'em to make _thess one condition_, an' that was thet any question he
missed was to be passed on to them thet had been a-gradj'atin' so fast,
an' ef they missed it, it wasn't to be counted ag'inst him.

Well, when he come out with that, which, to my mind, couldn't be beat
for fairness, why, some o' the mothers they commenced to look purty
serious, an' seem like ez ef they didn't find it quite so funny ez it
had been. You see, they _say_ thet them boys had eve'y one had reg'lar
questions give' out to 'em, an' eve'y last one had studied his own word;
an' ef they was to be questioned hit an' miss, why they wouldn't 'a'
stood no chance on earth.

Of co'se they couldn't give Sonny the same questions thet had _been_
give' out, because he had heerd the answers, an' it wouldn't 'a' been
fair. So Sonny he told 'em to thess set down, an' make out a list of
questions thet they'd all agree was about of a' equal hardness to them
thet had been ast, an' was of thess the kind of learnin' thet all the
reg'lar gradj'ates's minds was sto'ed with, an' thet either he knowed
'em or he didn't--one.

It don't seem so excitin', somehow, when I tell about it now; but I tell
you for about a minute or so, whilst they was waitin' to see who would
undertake the job of examinin' him, why, it seemed thet eve'y minute
would be the next, ez my ol' daddy used to say. The only person present
thet seemed to take things anyway ca'm was Miss Phoebe Kellog, Sonny's
teacher. She has been teachin' him reg'lar for over two years now, an'
ef she had 'a' had a right to give diplomies, why, Sonny would 'a' thess
took out one from her; but she ain't got no license to gradj'ate nobody.
But she knowed what Sonny knowed, an' she knowed thet ef he had a fair
show, he'd come thoo creditable to all hands. She loves Sonny thess
about ez much ez we do, I believe, take it all round. Th' ain't never
been but one time in these two years thet she has, to say, got me out o'
temper, an' that was the day she said to me thet her sure belief was
thet Sonny was goin' to _make somethin' out'n hisself some day_--like ez
ef he hadn't already made mo' 'n could be expected of a boy of his age.
Tell the truth, I never in my life come so near sayin' somethin' I'd 'a'
been shore to regret ez I did on that occasion. But of co'se I know she
didn't mean it. All she meant was thet he would turn out even mo' 'n
what he was now, which would be on'y nachel, with his growth.

Everybody knows thet it was her that got him started with his
collections an' his libr'y. Oh, yes; he's got the best libr'y in the
county, 'cep'n', of co'se, the doctor's 'n' the preacher's--everybody
round about here knows about that. He's got about a hund'ed books an'
over. Well, sir, when he made that remark, thet any question thet he
missed was to be give to the class, why, the whole atmosp'ere took on a
change o' temp'ature. Even the teacher was for backin' out o' the whole
business square; but he didn't thess seem to dare to say so. You see,
after him a-favorin' it, it would 'a' been a dead give-away.

Eve'ybody there had saw him step over an' whisper to Brother Binney when
it was decided to give Sonny a chance, an' they knowed thet he had asked
_him_ to examine him. But now, instid o' callin' on Brother Binney, why,
he thess said, says he: "I suppose I ought not to shirk this duty. Ef
it's to be did," says he, "I reckon I ought to do it--an' do it I will."
You see, he daresn't allow Brother Binney to put questions, for fear
he'd call out some thet his smarty grad'jates couldn't answer.

So he thess claired his th'oat, an' set down a minute to consider. An'
then he riz from his seat, an' remarked, with a heap o' _hems_ and
_haws_, thet of co'se everybody knowed thet Sonny Jones had had unusual
advantages in some respec's, but thet it was one thing for a boy to
spend his time a-picnickin' in the woods, getherin' all sorts of natural
curiosities, but it was quite another to be a scholar accordin' to
books, so's to be able to pass sech a' examination ez would be a credit
to a State institution o' learnin', sech ez the one over which he was
proud to preside. That word struck me partic'lar, "proud to preside,"
which, in all this, of co'se, I see he was castin' a slur on Sonny's
collections of birds' eggs, an' his wild flowers, an' wood specimens,
an' min'rals. He even went so far ez to say thet ol' Proph', the
half-crazy nigger thet tells fortunes, an' gethers herbs out 'n the
woods, an' talks to hisself, likely knew more about a good many things
than anybody present, but thet, bein' ez he didn't know _b_ from a
bull's foot, why, it wouldn't hardly do to grad'jate him--not castin' no
slurs on Master Sonny Jones, nor makin' no invijus comparisons, of
co'se.

Well, sir, there was some folks there thet seemed to think this sort o'
talk was mighty funny an' smart. Some o' the mothers acchilly giggled
over it out loud, they was so mightily tickled. But Sonny he thess stood
his ground an' waited. Most any boy o' his age would 'a' got flustered,
but he didn't. He thess glanced around unconcerned at all the people
a-settin' around him, thess like ez ef they might 'a' been askin' him to
a picnic instid o' him provokin' a whole school committee to wrath.

Well, sir, it took that school-teacher about a half-hour to pick out the
first question, an' he didn't pick it out _then_. He 'd stop, an' he'd
look at the book, an' then he'd look at Sonny, an' then he'd look at the
class,--an' then he'd turn a page, like ez ef he couldn't make up his
mind, an' was afeerd to resk it, less'n it might be missed, an' be
referred back to the class. I never did see a man so overwrought
over a little thing in my life--never. They do say, though, that
school-teachers feels mighty bad when their scholars misses any p'int
in public.

Well, sir, he took so long that d'reckly everybody begin to git wo'e
out, an' at last Sonny, why, he got tired, too, an' he up an' says, says
he, "Ef you can't make up your mind what to ask me, teacher, why 'n't
you let me ask myself questions? An' ef my questions seem too easy, why,
I'll put 'em to the class."

An', sir, with that he thess turns round, an' he says, says he, "Sonny
Jones," says he, addressin' hisself, "what's the cause of total eclipses
of the sun?" Thess that a-way he said it; an' then he turned around, an'
he says, says he:

"Is that a hard enough question?"

"Very good," says teacher.

An', with that, Sonny he up an' picks up a' orange an' a' apple off the
teacher's desk, an' says he, "This orange is the earth, an' this here
apple is the sun." An', with that, he explained all they is to total
eclipses. I can't begin to tell you thess how he expressed it, because I
ain't highly edjercated myself, an' I don't know the specifactions. But
when he had got thoo, he turned to the teacher, an' says he, "Is they
anything else thet you'd like to know about total eclipses?" An' teacher
says, says he, "Oh, no; not at all."

They do say thet them graduates hadn't never went so far _ez_ total
eclipses, an' teacher wouldn't 'a' had the subject mentioned to 'em for
nothin'; but I don't say that's so.

Well, then, Sonny he turned around, an' looked at the company, an' he
says, "Is everybody satisfied?" An' all the mothers an' fathers nodded
their heads "yes."

An' then he waited thess a minute, an' he says, says he, "Well, now I'll
put the next question:

"Sonny Jones," says he, "what is the difference between dew an' rain an'
fog an' hail an' sleet an' snow!

"Is that a hard enough question?"


[Illustration: "'This orange is the earth, an' this here apple is the
sun.'"]


Well, from that he started in, an' he didn't stop tell he had expounded
about every kind of dampness that ever descended from heaven or rose
from the earth. An' after that, why, he went on a-givin' out one
question after another, an' answerin 'em, tell everybody had declared
theirselves entirely satisfied that he was fully equipped to
gradj'ate--an', tell the truth, I don't doubt thet a heap of 'em felt
their minds considerably relieved to have it safe-t over with without
puttin' their grad'jates to shame, when what does he do but say, "Well,
ef you're satisfied, why, I am--an' yet," says he, "I think I would like
to ask myself one or two hard questions more, thess to make shore." An'
befo' anybody could stop him, he had said:

"Sonny Jones, what is the reason thet a bird has feathers and a dog has
hair?" An' then he turned around deliberate, an' answered: "I don't
know. Teacher, please put that question to the class."

Teacher had kep' his temper purty well up to this time, but I see he was
mad now, an' he riz from his chair, an' says he: "This examination has
been declared finished, an' I think we have spent ez much time on it ez
we can spare." An' all the mothers they nodded their heads, an' started
a-whisperin'--most impolite.

An' at that, Sonny, why, he thess set down as modest an' peaceable ez
anything; but ez he was settin' he remarked that he was in hopes thet
some o' the reg'lars would 'a' took time to answer a few questions thet
had bothered his mind f'om time to time--an' of c'ose they must know;
which, to my mind, was the modes'est remark a boy ever did make.

Well, sir, that's the way this diplomy was earned--by a good, hard
struggle, in open daylight, by unanymous vote of all concerned--an'
unconcerned, for that matter. An' my opinion is thet if they are those
who have any private opinions about it, an' they didn't express 'em that
day, why they ain't got no right to do it underhanded, ez I am sorry to
say has been done.

But it's _his_ diplomy, an' it's handsomer fixed up than any in town,
an' I doubt ef they ever was one _anywhere_ thet was took more paternal
pride in.

Wife she ain't got so yet thet she can look at it without sort o'
cryin'--thess the look of it seems to bring back the figure o' the
little feller, ez he helt his ground, single-handed, at that gradj'atin'
that day.

Well, sir, we was so pleased to have him turned out a full gradj'ate
thet, after it was all over, why, I riz up then and there, though I
couldn't hardly speak for the lump in my th'oat, an' I said thet I
wanted to announce thet Sonny was goin' to have a gradj'atin' party out
at our farm that day week, an' thet the present company was all invited.

An' he did have it, too; an' they all come, every mother's son of
'em--from _a_ to _izzard_--even to them that has expressed secret
dissatisfactions; which they was all welcome, though it does seem to me
thet, ef I 'd been in their places, I'd 'a' hardly had the face to come
an' talk, too.

I'm this kind of a disposition myself: ef I was ever to go to any kind
of a collation thet I expressed disapproval of, why, the supper couldn't
be good enough not to choke me.

An' Sonny, why, he's constructed on the same plan. We ain't never told
him of any o' the remarks thet has been passed. They might git his
little feelin's hurted, an' 't wouldn't do no good, though some few has
been made to his face by one or two smarty, ill-raised boys.

Well, sir, we give 'em a fine party, ef I do say it myself, an' they
all had a good time. Wife she whipped up eggs an' sugar for a week
befo'hand, an' we set the table out under the mulberries. It took
eleven little niggers to wait on 'em, not countin' them thet worked
the fly-fans. An' Sonny he ast the blessin'.

Then, after they'd all et, Sonny he had a' exhibition of his little
specimens. He showed 'em his bird eggs, an' his wood samples, an' his
stamp album, an' his scroll-sawed things, an' his clay-moldin's, an' all
his little menagerie of animals an' things. I rather think everybody was
struck when they found thet Sonny knowed the botanical names of every
one of the animals he's ever tamed, an' every bird. Miss Phoebe, she
didn't come to the front much. She stayed along with wife, an' helped
'tend to the company, but I could see she looked on with pride; an' I
don't want nothin' said about it, but the boa'd of school directors was
so took with the things she had taught Sonny thet, when the evenin' was
over, they ast her to accept a situation in the academy next year, an'
she's goin' to take it.

An' she says thet ef Sonny will take a private co'se of instruction in
nachel sciences, an' go to a few lectures, why, th' ain't nobody on
earth that she 'd ruther see come into that academy ez teacher,--that
is, of co'se, in time. But I doubt ef he'd ever keer for it.

I've always thought thet school-teachin', to be a success, has to run in
families, same ez anythin' else--yet, th' ain't no tellin'.

I don't keer what he settles on when he's grown; I expect to take pride
in _the way he'll do it_--an' that's the principal thing, after all.

It's the "Well done" we're all a-hopin' to hear at the last day; an' the
po' laborer thet digs a good ditch'll have thess ez good a chance to
hear it ez the man that owns the farm.




SONNY "KEEPIN' COMPANY"


[Illustration: 'H']

Hello, doc'; come in! Don't ask me to shake hands, though; 't least, not
tell I can drop this 'ere piece o' ribbin.

I never reelized how much shenanigan it took to tie a bow o' ribbin tell
I started experimentin' with this here buggy-whup o' Sonny's.

An' he wants it tied _thess so_. He's a reg'lar Miss Nancy, come to
taste.

All the boys, nowadays, they seem to think thet ez soon ez they
commence to keep company, they must have ribbin bows tied on their
buggy-whups--an' I reckon it's in accordance, ef anything is. I thess
called you in to look at his new buggy, doctor. You've had your first
innin's, ez the base-ball fellers says, at all o' his various an' sundry
celebrations, from his first appearance to his gradj'atin', and I'll
call your attention to a thing I wouldn't mention to a' outsider.

Sence he taken a notion to take the girls out a-ridin', why, I intend
for him to do it in proper style; an' I went an' selected this buggy
myself.

It is sort o' fancy, maybe, for the country, but I knew he'd like it
fancy--at his age. I got it good an' high, so's it could straddle stumps
good. They's so many tree-stumps in our woods, an' I know Sonny ain't
a-goin' to drive nowhere _but_ in the woods so long ez they's a livin'
thin' to scurry away at his approach, or a flower left in bloom, or a
last year's bird's nest to gether. An' the little Sweetheart, why, she's
got so thet she's ez anxious to fetch home things to study over ez he
is.

Yas; I think it is, ez you say, a fus'-class little buggy.

Sonny ain't never did nothin' half-ways,--not even mischief,--an'
I ain't a-goin' in, at this stage o' his raisin', to stint him.

List'n at me sayin' "raisin'" ag'in, after all Miss Phoebe has preached
to me about it! She claims thet folks has to be fetched up,--or "brung
up" I believe she calls it,--an' I don't doubt she knows.

She allows thet pigs is raised, an' potaters, an' even chickens; an' she
said, one day, thet ef I insisted on "raisin'" child'en, she'd _raise a
row_. She's a quick hand to turn a joke, Miss Phoebe is.

Nobody thet ever lived in Simpkinsville would claim thet rows couldn't
be raised, I'm shore, after all the fuss thet's been made over puttin'
daytime candles in our 'piscopal church. Funny how folks'll fuss about
sech a little thing when, ef they'd stop to think, they's so many mo'
important subjec's thet they could git up diffe'nces of opinion on.

I didn't see no partic'lar use in lightin' the candles myself, bein' ez
we didn't need 'em to see by, an' shorely the good Lord thet can speak
out a sun any time he needs a extry taper couldn't be said to take no
pleasure in a Simpkinsville home-dipped candle. But the way I look at
it, seem like ef some wants em, why not?

Th' ain't nothin' mo' innercent than a lighted candle,--kep' away up on
the wall out o' the draft, the way they are in church,--an' so, when it
come to votin' on it, why, I count peace an' good-will so far ahead o'
taller thet I voted thet I was good for ez many candles ez any other man
would give. An' quick ez I said them words, why, Enoch Johnson up an'
doubled his number. It tickled me to see him do it, too.

Enoch hates me thess because he's got a stupid boy--like ez ef that was
any o' my fault. His Sam failed to pass at the preliminar' examination,
an' wasn't allowed to try for a diplomy in public; an' Enoch an' his
wife, why, they seem to hold it ag'in' me thet Sonny could step in at
the last moment an' take what their boy could n't git th'oo the trials
an' tribulations of a whole year o' bein' teached lessons at home an'
wrestled in prayer over.

I ain't got a thing ag'in' Enoch, not a thing--not even for makin' me
double my number o' candles. Mo' 'n that, I'd brighten up Sam's mind for
'im in a minute, ef I could.

I never was jealous-hearted. An' neither is Sonny.

He sent Sam a special invite to his gradj'atin' party, an' give him a
seat next to hisself so's he could say "Amen" to his blessin', thess
because he had missed gittin' his diplomy. Everybody there knowed why
he done it.

But talkin' about Sonny being "raised," I told Miss Phoebe thet we'd
_haf_ to stop sayin' it about _him_, right or wrong, ez a person can't
raise nothin' higher 'n what he is hisself, an Sonny's taller 'n either
wife or me, an' he ain't but sixteen. Ef we raised 'im partly, we must
'a' sent 'im up the rest o' the way. It's a pleasure to pass a little
joke with Miss Phoebe; she's got sech a good ear to ketch their p'ints.

But, come to growin', Sonny never asked nobody no odds. He thess stayed
stock-still ez long ez he found pleasure in bein' a little runt, an'
then he humped hisself an' shot up same ez a sparrer-grass stalk. It
gives me pleasure to look up to him the way I haf to.

Fact is, he always did require me to look _up_ to 'im, even when I
looked _down_ at 'im.

Yas, sir; ez I said, Sonny has commenced keepin'
company,--outspoke,--an' I can't say thet I'm opposed to it, though some
would say he was a little young, maybe. I know when I was his age I had
been in love sev'al times. Of co'se these first little puppy-dog loves,
why, th' ain't no partic'lar harm in 'em--less'n they're opposed.

An' we don't lay out to oppose Sonny--not in nothin' thet he'll
attemp'--after him bein' raised an' guided up to this age.

There goes that word "raisin'" agi'n.

He's been in love with his teacher, Miss Phoebe, most three years--an'
'cep'n' thet I had a sim'lar experience when I was sca'cely out o' the
cradle, why, I might 'a' took it mo' serious.

That sort o' fallin' in love, why, it comes same ez the measles or
the two-year-old teeth, an' th' ain't nothin' sweeter ef it's took
philosophical.

It's mighty hard, though, for parents, thet knows thess how recent a
child is, to reconcile the facts o' the case with sech things ez him
takin' notice to the color o' ribbin on a middle-aged school-teacher's
hair--an' it sprinkled with gray.

Sonny was worse plegged than most boys, because, havin' two lady
teachers at that time, it took him sort o' duplicated like.

I suppose ef he'd had another, he'd 'a' been equally distributed on
all three.

The way I look at it, a sensible, serious-minded woman thet starts out
to teach school--which little fellers they ain't got no sense on earth,
nohow--ain't got no business with ribbin-bows an' ways an' moles on
their cheek-bones. An' ef they've got knuckles, they ought to be like
wife's or mine, pointed outward for useful service, instid o' bein'
turned inside out to attract a young child's admiration--not thet I hold
it against Miss Phoebe thet her knuckles is reversed. Of co'se she can't
be very strong-fingered. No finger could git much purchase on a dimple.

'T ain't none of her fault, I know. But Sonny has seen the day thet seem
like he couldn't talk about another thing but her an' her dimpled
knuckles--them an' that little brown mole thet sets out on the aidge of
her eyebrow.

I think myself thet that mole looks right well, for a blemish, which
wife says it is, worst kind. But of co'se a child couldn't be expected
to know that. It did seem a redic'lous part o' speech the first time he
mentioned sech a thing to his mother, but a boy o' twelve couldn't be
expected to know the difference between a mountain an' a mole-hill.

I ricollec' he used to talk in his sleep consider'ble when he was a
little chap, an' it always fretted wife turrible. She'd git up out o'
bed thess ez soon ez he'd begin to hold fo'th, an' taller him over.
Whenever she didn't seem to know what else to do, why, she'd taller him;
an' I don't reckon there's anything less injurious to a child, asleep or
awake, _than_ taller.

She's tallored him for his long division, an' she's tallered him for
that blemish on Miss Phoebe's cheek, an' she's tallered him for clairin'
of his th'oat. His other lady teacher, Miss Alviry Sawyer, she was a
single-handed maiden lady long'bout wife's age, an' she didn't have a
feature on earth thet a friend would seem to have a right to mention,
she not bein' to blame; but she had a way o' clairin' her th'oat, sort
o' polite, befo' she'd open her mouth to speak. Sonny, he seemed to
think it was mighty graceful the way she done it, an' he's often
imitated it in his little sleep--nights when he'd eat hot waffles for
his supper.

An' wife she'd always jump up an' git the mutton taller. I never took it
serious myself, 'cause I know how a triflin' thing 'll sometimes turn a
level-headed little chap into a drizzlin' ejiot. I been there myself.

But th' ain't no danger in it, not less'n he's made a laughin'-stalk
of--which is cruelty to animals, an' shouldn't be allowed.

I know when I went to school up here at Sandy Cri'k, forty year ago, I
was teached by a certain single lady that has subsequently died a nachel
death of old age an' virtuous works, an' in them days she wo'e a knitted
collar, an' long curls both sides of her face; an' I've seen many a
night, after the candle was out, thet she'd appear befo' me. She'd seem
to come an' hang over my bed-canopy same ez a chandelier, with them side
curls all a-jinglin' like cut-glass dangles. It's true, she used mostly
to appear with a long peach-switch in her hand, but that was nachel
enough, that bein' the way she most gen'ally approached me in life.

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