Book: Handy Andy, Vol. 2

S >> Samuel Lover >> Handy Andy, Vol. 2




One of the first places Edward inquired at was the inn where the
postchaise generally drove to from the house where the old dowager had
obtained her carriage in the country; but there no trace was to be had.
Next, the principal hotels were referred to, but as yet without success;
when, as they turned into one of the leading streets in continuance of
their search, their attention was attracted by a crowd swaying to and fro
in that peculiar manner which indicates there is a fight inside of it.
Great excitement prevailed on the verge of the crowd, where exclamations
escaped from those who could get a peep at the fight.

"The little chap has great heart!" cried one.

"But the sweep is the biggest," said another.

"Well done, _Horish_!" [Footnote: The name of a celebrated sweep in
Ireland, whose name is applied to the whole.] cried a blackguard, who
enjoyed the triumph of his fellow. "Bravo! little fellow," rejoined a
genteel person, who rejoiced in some successful hit of the other
combatant. There is an inherent love in men to see a fight, which Edward
O'Connor shared with inferior men; and if _he_ had not peeped into
the ring, most assuredly Gusty would. What was their astonishment, when
they got a glimpse of the pugilists, to perceive Ratty was one of them--
his antagonist being a sweep, taller by a head, and no bad hand at the
"noble science."

Edward's first impulse was to separate them, but Gusty requested he would
not, saying that he saw by Ratty's eye he was able to "lick the fellow."
Ratty certainly showed great fight; what the sweep had in superior size
was equalized by the superior "game" of the gentleman-boy, to whom the
indomitable courage of a high-blooded race had descended, and who would
sooner have died than yield. Besides, Ratty was not deficient in the use
of his "bunch of fives," hit hard for his size, and was very agile: the
sweep sometimes made a rush, grappled, and got a fall; but he never went
in without getting something from Ratty to "remember him," and was not
always uppermost. At last, both were so far punished, and the combat not
being likely to be speedily ended (for the sweep was no craven), that the
bystanders interfered, declaring that "they ought to be separated," and
they were.

While the crowd was dispersing, Edward called a coach; and before Ratty
could comprehend how the affair was managed, he was shoved into it and
driven from the scene of action. Ratty had a confused sense of hearing
loud shouts--of being lifted somewhere--of directions given--the rattle
of iron steps clinking sharply--two or three fierce bangs of a door that
wouldn't shut, and then an awful shaking, which roused him up from the
corner of the vehicle into which he had fallen in the first moment of
exhaustion. Ratty "shook his feathers," dragged his hair from out
of his eyes, which were getting very black indeed, and applied his
handkerchief to his nose, which was much in need of that delicate
attention; and when the sense of perfect vision was restored to him, which
was not for some time (all the colours of the rainbow dancing before
Ratty's eyes for many seconds after the fight), what was his surprise to
see Edward O'Connor and Gusty sitting on the opposite seat!

It was some time before Ratty could quite comprehend his present
situation; but as soon as he was made sensible of it, and could answer,
the first questions asked of him were about his grandmother. Ratty
fortunately remembered the name of the hotel where she put up, though he
had left it as soon as the old lady proceeded to the Castle--had lost his
way--and got engaged in a quarrel with a sweep in the meantime.

The coach was ordered to drive to the hotel named; and how the fight
occurred was the next question.

"The sweep was passing by, and I called him 'snow-ball,'" said Ratty; "and
the blackguard returned an impudent answer, and I hit him."

"You had no right to call him 'snow-ball,'" said Edward.

"I always called the sweeps 'snow-ball' down at the Hall," said Ratty,
"and they never answered."

"When you are on your own territory you may say what you please to your
dependents, Ratty, and they dare not answer; or to use a vulgar saying, 'A
cock may crow on his own dunghill.'"

"I'm no dunghill cock!" said Ratty, fiercely.

"Indeed, you're not," said Edward, laying his hand kindly on the boy's
shoulder; "you have plenty of courage."

"I'd have licked him," said Ratty, "if they'd have let me have two or
three rounds more."

"My dear boy, other things are needful in this world besides courage.
Prudence, temper, and forbearance are required; and this may be a
lesson to you, to remember, that, when you get abroad in the world,
you are very little cared about, however great your consequence may
be at home; and I am sure you cannot be proud about your having got
into a quarrel _with a sweep_."

Ratty made no answer--his blood began to cool--he became every moment more
sensible that he had received heavy blows. His eyes became more swollen,
he snuffled more in his speech, and his blackened condition altogether,
from gutter, soot, and thrashing, convinced him a fight with a sweep was
_not_ an enviable achievement.

The coach drew up at the hotel. Edward left Gusty to see about the
dowager, and made an appointment for Gusty to meet him at their own
lodgings in an hour; while he in the interim should call on Dick Dawson,
who was in town on his way to London.

Edward shook hands with Ratty and bade him kindly good bye. "You're a
stout fellow, Ratty," said he, "but remember this old saying,
'_Quarrelsome dogs get dirty coats_.'"

Edward now proceeded to Dick's lodgings, and found him engaged in reading
a note from Tom Durfy, dated from the "Bower of Repose," and requesting
Dick's aid in his present difficulty.

"Here's a pretty kettle of fish," said Dick: "Tom Durfy, who is engaged to
dine with me to-day to take leave of his bachelor life, as he is going to
be married to-morrow, is arrested, and now in _quod_, and wants me to
bail him."

"The shortest way is to pay the money at once," said Edward; "is it much?"

"That I don't know; but I have not a great deal about me, and what I have
I want for my journey to London and my expenses there--not but what I'd
help Tom if I could."

"He must not be allowed to remain _there_, however we manage to get
him out," said Edward; "perhaps I can help you in the affair."

"You're always a good fellow, Ned," said Dick, shaking his hand warmly.

Edward escaped from hearing any praise of himself by proposing they should
repair at once to the sponging-house, and see how matters stood. Dick
lamented he should be called away at such a moment, for he was just going
to get his wine ready for the party--particularly some champagne, which he
was desirous of seeing well iced; but as he could not wait to do it
himself, he called Andy, to give him directions about it, and set off with
Edward to the relief of Tom Durfy.

Andy was once more in service in the Egan family; for the Squire, on
finding him still more closely linked by his marriage with the desperate
party whose influence over Andy was to be dreaded, took advantage of
Andy's disgust against the woman who had entrapped him, and offered to
take him off to London instead of enlisting; and as Andy believed he would
be there sufficiently out of the way of the false Bridget, he came off at
once to Dublin with Dick, who was the pioneer of the party to London.

Dick gave Andy the necessary directions for icing the champagne, which he
set apart and pointed out most particularly to our hero, lest he should
make a mistake and perchance ice the port instead.

After Edward and Dick had gone, Andy commenced operations according to
orders. He brought a large tub up-stairs containing rough ice, which
excited Andy's wonder, for he never had known till now that ice was
preserved for and applied to such a use, for an ice-house did not happen
to be attached to any establishment in which he had served.

"Well, this is the quarest thing I ever heerd of," said Andy. "Musha! what
outlandish inventions the quolity has among them! They're not contint
with wine, but they must have ice along with it--and in a tub, too!
--just like pigs!--throth it's a dirty thrick, I think. Well, here
goes!" said he; and Andy opened a bottle of champagne, and poured
it into the tub with the ice. "How it fizzes!" said Andy, "Faix,
it's almost as lively as the soda-wather that bothered me long ago.
Well, I know more about things now; sure it's wondherful how a man
improves with practice!"--and another bottle of champagne was emptied
into the tub as he spoke. Thus, with several other complacent comments
upon his own proficiency, Andy poured half-a-dozen of champagne into
the tub of ice, and remarked, when he had finished his work, that he
thought it would be "mighty cowld on their stomachs."

Dick and Edward all this time were on their way to the relief of Tom
Durfy, who, though he had cooled down from the boiling-pitch to which the
misadventure of the morning had raised him, was still _simmering_,
with his elbows planted on the rickety table in Mr. Goggins' "bower," and
his chin resting on his clenched hands. It was the very state of mind in
which Tom was most dangerous.

At the other side of the table sat James Reddy, intently employed in
writing; his pursed mouth and knitted brows bespoke a labouring state of
thought, and the various crossings, interlinings, and blottings gave
additional evidence of the same, while now and then a rush at a line which
was knocked off in a hurry, with slashing dashes of the pen, and fierce
after-crossings of _t's_, and determined dottings of _i's_,
declared some thought suddenly seized, and executed with bitter triumph.

"You seem very _happy in yourself_ in what you are writing," said
Tom. "What is it? Is it another epithalamium?"

"It is a caustic article against the successful men of the day,"
said Reddy; "they have no merit, sir--none. 'T is nothing but luck
has placed them where they are, and they ought to be exposed." He
then threw down his pen as he spoke, and, after a silence of some minutes,
suddenly put this question to Tom:

"What do you think of the world?"

"'Faith, I think it so pleasant a place," said Tom, "that I'm confoundedly
vexed at being kept out of it by being locked up here; and that cursed
bailiff is so provokingly free-and-easy--coming in here every ten minutes,
and making himself at home."

"Why, as for that matter, it is his home, you must remember."

"But while a gentleman is here for a period," said Tom, "this room ought
to be considered his, and that fellow has no business here--and then his
bows and scrapes, and talking about the feelings of a gentleman, and all
that--'t is enough to make a dog beat his father. Curse him! I'd like to
choke him."

"Oh! that's merely his manner," said James.

"Want of manners, you mean," said Tom. "Hang me, if he comes up to me with
his rascally familiarity again, but I'll kick him down stairs."

"My dear fellow, you are excited," said Reddy; "don't let these sublunary
trifles ruffle your temper--you see how I bear it; and to recall you to
yourself, I will remind you of the question we started from, 'What do you
think of the world?' There's a general question--a broad question, upon
which one may talk with temper and soar above the petty grievances of life
in the grand consideration of so ample a subject. You see me here, a
prisoner like yourself, but I can talk of _the world_. Come, be a
calm philosopher, like me! Answer, what do you think of the world?"

"I've told you already," said Tom; "it's a capital place, only for the
bailiffs."

"I can't agree with you," said James. "I think it one vast pool of
stagnant wretchedness, where the _malaria_ of injustice holds
her scales suspended, to poison rising talent by giving an undue
weight to existing prejudices."

To this lucid and good-tempered piece of philosophy, Tom could only
answer, "You know I am no poet, and I cannot argue with you but, 'pon my
soul, I _have_ known, and _do_ know, some uncommon good fellows
in the world."

"You're wrong, you're wrong, my unsuspecting friend. 'T is a bad world,
and no place for susceptible minds. Jealousy pursues talent like its
shadow--superiority alone wins for you the hatred of inferior men. For
instance, why am _I_ here? The editor of _my_ paper will not
allow _my_ articles always to appear;--prevents their insertion, lest
the effect they would make would cause inquiry, and tend to _my_
distinction; and the consequence is, that the paper _I_ came to
_uphold_ in Dublin is deprived of _my_ articles, and _I_ don't get paid;
while _I_ see _inferior_ men, without asking for it, loaded with favour;
_they_ are abroad in affluence, and _I_ in captivity and poverty. But
one comfort is, even in disgrace I can write, and they shall get a
slashing."

Thus spoke the calm philosopher, who gave Tom a lecture on patience.

Tom was no great conjuror; but at that moment, like Audrey, "he thanked
the gods he was not poetical." If there be any one thing more than another
to make an "every-day man" content with his average lot, it is the
exhibition of ambitious inferiority, striving for distinction it can never
attain; just given sufficient perception to desire the glory of success,
without power to measure the strength that can achieve it; like some poor
fly, which beats its head against a pane of glass, seeing the sunshine
beyond, but incapable of perceiving the subtle medium which intervenes--
too delicate for its limited sense to comprehend, but too strong for its
limited power to pass. But though Tom felt satisfaction at that moment, he
had too good feeling to wound the self-love of the vain creature before
him; so, instead of speaking what he thought, viz., "What business have
you to attempt literature, you conceited fool?" he tried to wean him
civilly from his folly by saying, "Then come back to the country, James;
if you find jealous rivals _here_, you know you were always admired
_there_."

"No, sir," said James; "even there my merit was unacknowledged."

"No! no!" said Tom.

"Well, underrated, at least. Even there, _that_ Edward O'Connor,
somehow or other, I never could tell why--I never saw his great talents--
but somehow or other, people got it into their heads that he was clever."

"I tell you what it is," said Tom, earnestly, "Ned-of-the-Hill has got
into a better place than people's _heads_--he has got into their
_hearts_!"

"There it is!" exclaimed James, indignantly. "You have caught up the
cuckoo-cry--the heart! Why, sir, what merit is there in writing about
feelings which any common labourer can comprehend? There's no poetry in
that; true poetry lies in a higher sphere, where you have difficulty in
following the flight of the poet, and possibly may not be fortunate enough
to understand him--that's poetry, sir."

"I told you I am no poet," said Tom; "but all I know is, I have felt my
heart warm to some of Edward's songs, and, by jingo, I have seen the
women's eyes glisten, and their cheeks flush or grow pale, as they have
heard them--and that's poetry enough for me."

"Well, let Mister O'Connor enjoy his popularity, sir, if popularity it may
be called, in a small country circle--let him enjoy it--I don't envy him
_his_, though I think he was rather jealous about mine."

"Ned jealous!" exclaimed Tom, in surprise.

"Yes, jealous; I never heard him say a kind word of any verses I
ever wrote in my life; and I am certain he has most unkind feelings
towards me."

"I tell you what it is," said Tom, "getting up" a bit; "I told you I don't
understand poetry, but I _do_ understand what's an infinitely better
thing, and that's fine, generous, manly feeling; and if there's a human
being in the world incapable of wronging another in his mind or heart, or
readier to help his fellow-man, it is Edward O'Connor: so say no more,
James, if you please."

Tom had scarcely uttered the last word, when the key was turned in the
door.

"Here's that infernal bailiff again!" said Tom, whose irritability,
increased by Reddy's paltry egotism and injustice, was at its boiling-
pitch once more. He planted himself firmly in his chair, and putting on
his fiercest frown, was determined to confront Mister Goggins with an
aspect that should astonish him.

The door opened, and Mister Goggins made his appearance, presenting to the
gentlemen in the room the hinder portion of his person, which made several
indications of courtesy performed by the other half of his body, while he
uttered the words, "Don't be astonished, gentlemen; you'll be used to it
by-and-by." And with these words he kept backing towards Tom, making these
nether demonstrations of civility, till Tom could plainly see the seams in
the back of Mr. Goggins's pantaloons.

Tom thought this was some new touch of the "free-and-easy" on Mister
Goggins's part, and, losing all command of himself, he jumped from his
chair, and with a vigorous kick gave Mister Goggins such a lively
impression of his desire that he should leave the room, that Mister
Goggins went head foremost down the stairs, pitching his whole weight upon
Dick Dawson and Edward O'Connor, who were ascending the dark stairs, and
to whom all his bows had been addressed. Overwhelmed with astonishment
and twelve stone of bailiff, they were thrown back into the hall, and
an immense uproar in the passage ensued.

Edward and Dick were near coming in for some hard usage from Goggins,
conceiving it might be a preconcerted attempt on the part of his prisoners
and their newly arrived friends to achieve a rescue; and while he was
rolling about on the ground, he roared to his evil-visaged janitor to look
to the door first, and keep him from being "murthered" after.

Fortunately no evil consequences ensued, until matters could be explained
in the hall, and Edward and Dick were introduced to the upper room, from
which Goggins had been so suddenly ejected.

There the bailiff demanded in a very angry tone the cause of Tom's
conduct; and when it was found to be _only_ a mutual misunderstanding
--that Goggins wouldn't take a liberty with a gentleman "in defficulties"
for the world, and that Tom wouldn't hurt a fly, "only under a mistake"
--matters were cleared up to the satisfaction of all parties, and
the real business of the meeting commenced:--that was to pay Tom's
debt out of hand; and when the bailiff saw all demands, fees included,
cleared off, the clouds from his brow cleared off also, he was the
most amiable of sheriff's officers, and all his sentimentality returned.

Edward did not seem quite to sympathise with his amiability, so Goggins
returned to the charge, while Tom and Dick were exchanging a few words
with James Reddy.

"You see, sir," said Goggins, "in the first place, it is quite beautiful
to see the mind in adversity bearing up against the little antediluvian
afflictions that will happen occasionally, and then how fine it is to
remark the spark of generosity that kindles in the noble heart and rushes
to the assistance of the destitute! I do assure you, sir, it is a most
beautiful sight to see the gentlemen in defficulties waitin' here
for their friends to come to their relief, like the last scene in
Blue Beard, where sister Ann waves her han'kerchief from the tower
--the tyrant is slain--and virtue rewarded!

"Ah, sir!" said he to Edward O'Connor, whose look of disgust at the
wretched den caught the bailiff's attention, "don't entertain an antifassy
from first imprissions, which is often desaivin'. I do pledge you my
honour, sir, there is no place in the 'varsal world where human nature is
visible in more attractive colours than in this humble retrait."

Edward could not conceal a smile at the fellow's absurdity, though his
sense of the ridiculous could not overcome the disgust with which the
place inspired him. He gave an admonitory touch to the elbow of Dick
Dawson, who, with his friend Tom Durfy, followed Edward from the room, the
bailiff bringing up the rear, and relocking the door on the unfortunate
James Reddy, who was left "alone in his glory," to finish his slashing
article against the successful men of the day. Nothing more than words of
recognition had passed between Reddy and Edward. In the first place,
Edward's appearance at the very moment the other was indulging in
illiberal observations upon him rendered the ill-tempered poetaster dumb;
and Edward attributed this distance of manner to a feeling of shyness
which Reddy might entertain at being seen in such a place, and therefore
had too much good breeding to thrust his civility on a man who seemed to
shrink from it; but when he left the house he expressed his regret to his
companions at the poor fellow's unfortunate situation.

It touched Tom Durfy's heart to hear these expressions of compassion
coming from the lips of the man he had heard maligned a few minutes before
by the very person commiserated, and it raised his opinion higher of
Edward, whose hand he now shook with warm expressions of thankfulness on
his own account, for the prompt service rendered to him. Edward made
as light of his own kindness as he could, and begged Tom to think
nothing of such a trifle.

"One word I will say to you, Durfy, and I'm sure you'll pardon me for it."

"Could you say a thing to offend me?" was the answer.

"You are to be married soon, I understand?"

"To-morrow," said Tom.

"Well, my dear Durfy, if you owe any more money, take a real friend's
advice, and tell your pretty good-hearted widow the whole amount of your
debts before you marry her."

"My dear O'Connor," said Tom, "the money you've lent me now is all I owe
in the world; 't was a tailor's bill, and I quite forgot it. You know, no
one ever thinks of a tailor's bill. Debts, indeed!" added Tom, with
surprise; "my dear fellow, I never could be much in debt, for the devil a
one would trust me."

"An excellent reason for your unencumbered state," said Edward, "and I
hope you pardon me."

"Pardon!" exclaimed Tom, "I esteem you for your kind and manly frankness."

In the course of their progress towards Dick's lodgings, Edward reverted
to James Reddy's wretched condition, and found it was but some petty debt
for which he was arrested. He lamented, in common with Dick and Tom, the
infatuation which made him desert a duty he could profitably perform by
assisting his father in his farming concerns, to pursue a literary path,
which could never be any other to him than one of thorns.

As Edward had engaged to meet Gusty in an hour, he parted from his
companions and pursued his course alone. But, instead of proceeding
immediately homeward, he retraced his steps to the den of the bailiff and
gave a quiet tap at the door. Mister Goggins himself answered to the
knock, and began a loud and florid welcome to Edward, who stopped
his career of eloquence by laying a finger on his lip in token of
silence. A few words sufficed to explain the motive of his visit.
He wished to ascertain the sum for which the gentleman up-stairs
was detained. The bailiff informed him; and the money necessary to
procure the captive's liberty was placed in his hand.

The bailiff cast one of his melodramatic glances at Edward, and said,
"Didn't I tell you, sir, this was the place for calling out the noblest
feelings of human nature?"

"Can you oblige me with writing materials?" said Edward.

"I can, sir," said Goggins, proudly, "and with other _materials_ too,
if you like--and 'pon my honour, I'll be proud to drink your health, for
you're a raal gintleman." [Footnote: The name given in Ireland to the
necessary materials for the compounding of whisky-punch.]

Edward, in the civilest manner, declined the offer, and wrote, or rather
tried to write, the following note, with a pen like a skewer, ink
something thicker than mud, and on whity-brown paper:--

"DEAR SIR,--I hope you will pardon the liberty I have taken in your
temporary want of money. You can repay me at your convenience. Yours,

"E. O'C."

Edward left the den, and so did James Reddy soon after--a better man.
Though weak, his heart was not shut to the humanities of life--and
Edward's kindness, in opening his eyes to the wrong he had done _one_
man, induced in his heart a kinder feeling towards all. He tore up his
slashing article against successful men. Would that every disappointed man
would do the same.

The bailiff was right: even so low a den as his becomes ennobled by the
presence of active benevolence and prejudice reclaimed.




CHAPTER XLVII


Edward, on returning to his hotel, found Gusty there before him, in great
delight at having seen a "splendid" horse, as he said, which had been
brought for Edward's inspection, he having written a note on his arrival
in town to a dealer stating his want of a first-rate hunter.

"He's in the stable now," said Gusty; "for I desired the man to wait,
knowing you would be here soon."

"I cannot see him now, Gusty," said Edward: "will you have the kindness to
tell the groom I can look at the horse in his own stables when I wish to
purchase?"

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