Book: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, April 2, 1892
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Various >> Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, April 2, 1892
"I won't do't!" roared the implacable Private O'GRADY.
Once more the Irish Members burst into cheering, whilst a soldier
in uniform in Strangers' Gallery looked on and listened. Would like
to hear his account of scene confided to comrades in privacy of
barrack-room.
When STANHOPE finished reading report of officer commanding battalion,
Irish Members leaped to their feet in body, each anxious to stand
shoulder to shoulder with Private O'GRADY defying the Saxon. NOLAN,
who had set ball rolling, might have got in first, but was so
excited as to be momentarily speechless; could only paw at the air in
direction of Treasury Bench where STANHOPE sat, PAT O'BRIEN, ARTHUR
O'CONNOR, the wily WEBB, and the flaccid FLYNN, all shouting together.
But SEXTON beat them all, and will duly figure in Parliamentary Report
as Vindicator of Nationality, Defender of St. Patrick, and Patron of
Private O'GRADY.
"There's nothing new about Ireland," said POLTALLOCH, talking the
matter over later in the Lobby. "'Tis the most distressful country
that ever yet was seen, Where they punish T. O'GRADY For the wearing
of the Green."
_Business done_.--Small Holdings Bill read Second Time.
_Friday Night_.--House behaved nobly to-night; FENWICK brought forward
Motion proposing payment of Members. House arbiter of situation; might
have voted itself anything a year it pleased. Only say the word, and
JOKIM would have been bound to find the money. Members flocked down in
large numbers: CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, seated on Front Opposition Bench,
declares he could distinctly hear smacking of lips of Hon. Members
below Gangway when FENWICK observed he thought L365 a year would be
reasonable allowance. However insidious temptation may have been, it
was nobly resisted. Of nearly 400 Members who took part in Division,
only 162 reached out their hand for the pittance, 227 lofty souls
going into other Lobby.
_Business done_.--Private Bill Procedure Bill brought in.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "'SAFETY MATCHES' FOR LIFE.--The following notice has
been issued by the Salvation Army: 'Safety matches are now made by the
Social Wing without sulphur or phosphorus, which will flame without
striking. What do we mean? Just this. That if you are unmarried, and
do not know where to chose a partner, you can communicate with Colonel
BARKER, Matrimonial Bureau, 101, Queen Victoria Street, E.C., and
he will most probably supply you with just what you want--somebody
loveable and good.'"]
* * * * *
VERY ORCHID!
["The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that the
life of a Peer is not a happy one."--_Mr. Chamberlain, before
the Jewellers' and Silversmiths' Association at Birmingham_.]
The Orchid is a thoughtful plant--it loves the lordly hot-house,
And naturally reprobates poor gilliflowers as "pot-house;"
'Tis rich, exotic, somewhat miscellaneously florid;
The rough herbaceous annuals it vulgar deems, and horrid.
With all that's forced and precious it should fraternise in reason,
With luscious fruits and rarest roots, and produce out of season;
It may perhaps at primroses a condescending hand point;
It might be friends with stocks--but from a pure commercial
standpoint.
And yet--it is a thoughtful plant--though such a growth fastidious,
The proud but simple strawberry still seems to it invidious;
Those ducal leaves that shine and twine around the nation's garden,
It fancies more delectable than all the blooms of Hawarden.
This orchid's bosom bleeds to feel that, while he flaunts in colour,
The chaplet of the strawberry should duller pine and duller,
That obsoleteness, though delayed, should still be on the _tapis_,
That, pending its extinction, its existence isn't happy.
O courtly leaves of strawberries, old England's grace and glory,
Emblazoned o'er the castle-keeps that moulder nigh and hoary,
What comfort for your drooping days, what balm in dire dejection,
That yonder orchid spruce extends his shelter and protection.
But, garland sere of Vere de Vere, wan ornaments of Fable,
The orchid is a thoughtful plant, and likes a gorgeous table;
And, should from out your coronals one berry bright be shining,
His patronage may snap it up--to save it from declining!
* * * * *
NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
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